“My grandson (13) is of very high intellect. However, his social graces are lacking. He struggles to look people in the eye and show gratitude. His sister, brought up in the same home, is quite the opposite. The parents are embarrassed by his anti-social behavior. They reprimand him continually. This has been going on for years. I am wondering whether this type of behavior is typical of very intelligent people, and if so, should the lad be reprimanded so severely?”
The challenge the boy’s parents appear to face involves giving your grandson room to be his own person – a social or an anti-social one.
While they so intensely connect his behavior with their parenting, they afford him a lot of power over their emotional wellbeing.
Embarrassment, followed by reprimands, suggest a greater commitment to image than to pursuing what, if anything is going on with a family member who may or may not need professional help. If reprimands work (which I doubt) and he falls into line (becomes socially competent) one should not believe his pain or distress or discomfort has somehow disappeared.
Please read “ALL MY STRIPES” by Shaina Rudolph. It is a very helpful book for children – and for adults.
difficultrelationships.com 