Archive for February 20th, 2017

February 20, 2017

When your husband says he doesn’t want to be married anymore…..

by Rod Smith

Written by Anne, years ago — worth a re-post:

“Hi Ladies, just a bit of advice, if your husband says he doesn’t want to be married or doesn’t love you anymore, as much as it hurts, the best thing you can do is nothing. Go about your business, act happy, be nice, don’t beg, don’t plead, don’t cry and make him try to feel sorry for you. Listen to me, as hard as this sounds, it works. Work on yourself, be your own person, let him always see you are happy. Men don’t want to pull away from happy women! They want to pull away from a woman who is yelling, and nagging. I am not saying this is your fault by any means.

“Starting today, start taking care of yourself, pamper yourself, love yourself the way you want to be loved, throw your energy into your kids and yourself. Any contact with your husband or boyfriend be nothing but pleasant and nice: no fighting, no blaming. If he brings up divorce, breaking up tell him you don’t want that but YOU’LL SUPPORT HIM IN HIS DECISION. And leave it at that.

“Get your hair done, nails done (if you can afford to do so) give yourself facials, make yourself feel good about yourself and it will shine through.

“Remember, no yelling, no begging him, no freaking out on him, that will only push him further away.

“And don’t keep bringing up the past of hurtful things he has said and did, that just creates more drama.”

February 20, 2017

Domestic Abuse – finding the way out

by Rod Smith
  • It is never acceptable for you: to scream at, or hit, the children or me; to confine the children or me; to break things or throw things even if you own the house and everything in it.
  • It is not acceptable for you to cut me off from my extended family or the outside world by taking my money or keys, phone, or personal items.
  • I will not ride in the car with you when you are angry or drunk.
  • It is never acceptable for you to force or manipulate me into sex or sexual practices I do not want.
  • I am NOT responsible for your outbursts of anger or violent actions. Your behavior is your behavior and it is NEVER my fault.
  • Being really sorry for your behavior is not enough – you must get professional help.
  • Forgiveness is not enough – you must get professional help.
  • When I tell you forgiveness is not enough, that I will not come back to you, don’t turn it on me and say I know nothing about forgiveness.
February 20, 2017

My son and I need help to get to Minnesota

by Rod Smith

“I have a 7-year-old son. I applied for a divorce in 2012. ‘Free’ lawyers let me down and I am living with the person I am supposed to divorce. I have tried to get a job but nothing has happened. I don’t have a matric. A friend in Minnesota said he would help me with a place to stay but I need to raise $25,000.00 for 2 years studies. I have been down emotionally and have experienced every bad thing. I don’t know what to do any more. I cannot afford a private lawyer. I don’t have family to help. I feel a deep pain as I am writing this.” (Edited)

You are a woman and a mother. Resources for great success are latent within you. Access them. Focus on building a life with your son exactly where you are. Do whatever you can to get a job and a matric. While you think like a victim you will be one.

Even if you had the money, passports, a student visa, and air tickets, no legitimate college or university in the USA will admit you without a matric. If life in South Africa is tough (where you are familiar with the culture) Minnesota will be much harder and far more complicated.