Archive for July 6th, 2011

July 6, 2011

He keeps inviting me to watch movies and……

by Rod Smith

“My husband of 7 years suddenly wanted a divorce and so I moved out since the house was his when we met. Now he keeps inviting me over to watch movies and have sex. I go sometimes because I still love him but I don’t want to be used either. What do you think his intentions are? We have been separated for over a year. The divorce is not yet final. Any input would be helpful. Thanks.”

His intentions are to watch movies and to have sex. That’s it!

I regret to tell you that you are being used and will continue to be used while you comply.

The man has not grown up. He wants a sexual relationship with no commitment or responsibility and he’s found a perfect match, at least while you are cooperative, in you.

 

July 6, 2011

Our intimate life is boring……..

by Rod Smith

“My husband and I were happy until the birth of our son when our relationship changed. After our son was born he started cheating, lying, and drinking everyday. We spent less time together than we used to. I thought we were friends, but now it feels like we are distant cousins. Our sex life is boring.”

Your future must seem painfully endless!

While I am sad that you are victim to your husband’s cruel behavior, I am also sad for your child who is witnessing a marriage he could hardly want to emulate.

Please read David Schnarch’s book entitled Passionate Marriage. I will warn you that it is the very best book on sex and relationships I have ever read.

While the book is very explicit, it is never pornographic.

It is to be read as a whole, cover to cover, before judgments are issued on its worthiness.

The book outlines the journey of couples who have lives as miserable as you describe yours to be, and offers valuable keys for all marriages and all relationships.

I have gotten into hot water for recommending this book to couples.

Not only does it promote strong,  healthy sex lives, it challenges people to live full, complete, and adventurous lives.

July 6, 2011

For my in-laws it is all fun……

by Rod Smith

“My in-laws are a pain. They want the children (9 and 7) whenever they click their fingers and think we must drop everything because they phone and want to do something fun. My husband jumps to their every wish and I am sick of it. He’s like a little boy around his mother. The children love them because it is all about fun while I am left with the hard work of parenting.” (Edited)

Spend time alone with your in-laws. Tell them about your frustrations. Fun people are often happy people. Happy people are usually able to understand multiple sides to situations. Speak up about what you see and what you need. You might find your husband and your in-laws are more than able to accommodate and even alleviate some of the sources of some of your frustrations.

But, you are correct – parenting is hard work. Your letter suggests that you too can be quite hard work. You might want to try and enjoy your in-laws as much as your children do. If you join the fun you will be as much a part of your children’s good memories as your husband’s parents will already be.

Get your part of the fun real-estate in your children’s memories. Having your children reflect forever on how much fun they had with their grandparents certainly won’t be too much fun for you as time rolls by.