Many a relationship suffer:

1. When being right (or correct, moral, and accurate) is so important, so insisted upon, by one of the parties, that it is at the expense of being loving. A healthy person can sometimes sacrifice the need to be right with the understanding that being loving trumps being right.
2. When anxiety and love are confused. “I am anxious about you” is a far cry from “I love you.” They are not the same thing. Anxious people often believe true love necessitates worry. “How will he know I love him if I don’t worry about him?” is the plea of the anxious partner or parent. A healthy person understands that his or her anxiety is not an indication of love and therefore works toward reducing anxiety in his or her life lest it do its destructive work.
3. When love and control become synonymous. “If you love me you will dress (speak, think, see, hear) according to my will,” says the controller, “or I will question your love for me.” Healthy love insists upon and celebrates freedom.
4. When love means “melting” into each other, giving up individual identity in the name of love. “We’re so close we even think each others thoughts,” proclaims the unhealthy couple. Healthy love elevates separateness, space and individuality.

Posted on March 20, 2011 at 4:08 am in Difficult Relationships   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL