“Thanks for your suggestions about the horse-farm. Whenever I have said I’ll come over and help with the horses it’s a big ‘No, it’s his house, his property,’ and this was the guy she told me was making her life impossible when I met her. She says I cannot even to be out in the field. She is sleeping in his house and works with him on Mondays and Fridays. He has already admitted he wants her back.” (Edited)

What more do you need to know? Until now you have been blind to your situation and deaf to what she has been really telling you. I’d suspect your partner is caught in a triangle of wanting her horse and not being able to stable it without succumbing to the will of her ex-husband. While this is tough for her it is you that has asked for help.

Here’s my challenge. In moving on do not try to teach the woman anything, or get back at her, or wave my columns under her nose. Just take your things (or have her take her things) and move out of her life. Tell her you are honoring her choices and that you are not willing to be in such a relationship.