“You advise women to stand up to their jealous or controlling husbands. Don’t you know the Bible says wives must submit to husbands?” Don’t you know the Bible says the MAN is the ruler of the house and family?”

I do – know somethings. But there is, of course, a lot I don’t know. Paul says, “wives submit to your husbands,” and one can safely assume Paul is, in all of his letters, addressing both men and women. A husband who loves according to Paul is both safe and worthy of submission! But, beware of any man whose knowledge of Scripture begins, and ends, with “wives submit to your husbands” and the man (or woman) who is looking to be ruled or for a ruler! Loving men have no desire (or craving) for the submission (obedience) of others.

Submitting (“giving in”) to jealousy or controlling or abusive behavior is certainly not very helpful to the marriage, the husband or wife.

The Bible doesn’t require anyone to submit (accept, obey) anyone’s pathological behavior, whether it is from a spouse, pastor, or any leader. To resist (stand up to) pathological behavior, however it rears its ugly head, is to do the perpetrator (spouse, pastor, leader) a loving service. Submitting to damaging behavior can hardly result in enduringly helpful outcomes.

Sadly, I have seen women hang onto the hope that the husband will eventually change (stop drinking, beating, swearing, and go to church!) if she just learns to really “submit.” I’ve seem woman who believe the husband’s behavior is BECAUSE she has not learned to truly submit. Sad, sad, sad.

No. The monster (jealousy) will not go away if continually fed. It only gets more demanding, more unruly, more insatiable.

Posted on June 24, 2009 at 1:52 pm in Difficult Relationships   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL