Why won’t my husband get a voice of his own?

by Rod Smith

“Please tell me why my husband can’t talk to his parents even about the most little things like saying happy birthday to them or inviting them over for a meal. I have to do it all. I make all the plans for everything and he just fits in. I am so tired of being the center of all the plans for everyone and when things go wrong I am blamed when someone in the family could help. We have been married almost 20 years.” (Letter shortened)

I cannot tell you why your husband is the way he is, and I doubt it would be something he himself could articulate, even if he himself did know. In the unlikely event you did reach a convincing diagnosis about why he is the way he is I am not sure you’d have anything useful or helpful. [Gaining understanding or insight does not necessarily lead to change in behavior.]

What I do know is that while your husband has a spokesperson in his wife (and life) there is little reason for him to see the need to have a voice of his own. People tend to fall into roles that most suit them, and I doubt very much that you’d find it very easy if your husband did begin to direct the family traffic.

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