Archive for September 29th, 2008

September 29, 2008

I am closer to my step-mother than I am to my mother…

by Rod Smith

“My stepmother is nicer to me and to my children than is my biological mother. My dad married her when I was a teenager and I resisted her being in our family. My father told me that I’d better get used to it and that I’d better do all I could to get along with the new arrangement. I still kicked against it for a while but things settled down and we ‘found’ each other. Now my problem is I find her easier to relate to than my own mother! While I do not detect any jealousy or bad feelings, it is a little uncomfortable for my family when my children enjoy my stepmother a little more than they do my own mother. My mother is not a problem; she is simply less people and family-orientated. What do you think?” (Lifted, with permission, from face-to-face conversation)

Sounds like a “normal family stuff” to me. You (understandably) resisted. Someone (your father) stood up to you. The whole family apparently learned a lot. Essentially, you gained from the strong messages received from your father – and, as a result, you grew up. You are probably more aware than most people seem to be of how long it can take for a family to adjust and grow and learn to love. Drop the “step” label. It seems to serve no purpose, and I’d give up using it completely. Of course, I appreciate you needed the label to relay your story to me, but you probably don’t need it in daily living. It is an unnecessary term which is quite loaded with negativity for many people.