Archive for August 31st, 2008

August 31, 2008

Two letters, one post…

by Rod Smith

“My wife of 7 years left me and our 3 children 4 months ago for a man she met on the Internet. She now lives abroad in his country with him. To be honest, at the time I was devastated and vowed to get her back, but now I’m starting to feel like he’s welcome to her. Any woman who can do that doesn’t deserve me, to be honest. Our marriage was good – I just didn’t pay her enough attention, which is what the other guy did. They started out as friends but he took advantage of her at a vulnerable time. Anyway, I wish them good luck with whatever happens. A person reaps what is sown and if you do end up losing everything then you only have yourself to blame.”

It appears you have found some resolve – but it is the children for whom I have most concern. I trust your ex-wife has, or will, find some manner of remaining in touch with the children.

“My husband left for work last Wednesday morning and never returned. I found him at his parent’s house. After talking with him he told me he hasn’t loved me for the last 3-years. Everything he told me, everything we based our marriage on, he said, was a lie. He was just trying to do the right thing and now realizes he can’t. We have two little boys and it breaks my heart to know they will grow up without him as a regular part of their lives. I still have hope for us as I still love him but I just don’t know what will happen. People keep telling me he is just going through something and will realize what he had after a while but I am not so sure. For now we will be friends. I will try to keep my head up and stay strong for my boys and we will have to see what the future holds.”

I’d be suggesting your husband move toward you and his children rather than away from his family – in order to find who he is and what he wants. The crucible of learning and growth exists within his already-established choices, not outside of those choices.