Archive for August 19th, 2008

August 19, 2008

He wanted sex all the time until we moved in together…..

by Rod Smith

“He wanted sex several times a week, sometimes everyday, until we moved in together. He says he loves me but now he hardly touches me. He’s distant and withdrawn and angry. I don’t understand. Please help.” (This is a theme of dozens of letters received every month).

Move on. Don’t mistake the desire for sex for love. Sometimes the two are poles apart. What you had before you moved in together was a very immature relationship. He wanted sexual relief, not you. He “loved” not you, but what you could do for him. He wanted the pleasures that come with being physically intimate but he did not want the ongoing responsibilities of sharing your life. What he apparently did not want was the ongoing emotional, physical, and psychological presence that accompanies authentic connection with another human being. Such men can “do” sex, it is the rest of life that overwhelms men who are sexually, or as I have called, “penis propelled.”