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I’ve been with my partner for 8 years. when we’re fighting he:
phones old girlfriends, one in particular
won’t answer his cell
is extermely verbally abusive
minimizes our relationship because we are not legally married
mocks and makes fun of me if I cry
has destroyed my personal belongings
stays out all night
he calls this one woman behind my back, and then faults me for not trusting him. I know he previously stayed at her house on his all-nighters, as i found him there once
he denys any situation other than what he knows for sure I know
he calls me controlling and says he won’t be told whom he can speak to.
i have caught him in several lies regarding this
Dear Dainty:
Here we go again! You are an expert in HIS behavior, yet seem blind to yours. Apparently after all this trauma, conflict, jealousy, snooping around, raised voices and humiliating behavior performed by each of you – YOU keep going back for more!
Let the man go on his immature, pathological way. Don’t hold him back. Oh, I know. I am going to get letters telling me I am blaming the victim, that moving out is not that easy, and love will prevail – but this “relationship” (actually it is nothing more than furious-fusion) will never survive. The sooner you pack your bags (or dump his out the door) the better.
Let me know how it goes.
Rod
I’m not blind to my behavior, I fell powerless to change it. I guess I am waiting for the “final straw” tho I wonder if it will ever be. I am ashamed I have taken what I have.
I’ll be married for 15 years next month.My husband is having an affair for 5 years and he still denies it.Sends sms’ everday saying how much he loves her.I asked him to decide who he really wants and not to let me stand in their way of happiness.If he loves her i’ll set him free even though this will hurt the children but i cannot stay with someone who does’nt love me.Otherwise he is a very good husband and father.Am i doing the right thing?
Essential to being a “good husband and a good father” is emotional, physical, and financial faithfulness. While your husband is invested in romantic pursuits outside of the marriage all he is really good at is make believe.
No one can tell you the “right thing” to do. This is something you have to decide.
It seems both your husband and the other woman have little dissonance regarding their duplicity.
The inner-part of you that cannot tolerate the pretense, or the lie, or playing second fiddle, is the healthy part of you, and it ought not to be denied or silenced.
How about this relationship, I am 25 years old, I was not the perfect mother when I met the man I am with now and he helped me see the error of my ways, I have went thru our relationship wanting so desperately to please him and be pleased, so I agreed to a threesome to keep him in my life, well again I saw the error of my ways and got out of that situation, he left her for me but he has also left me on 2 occasions since then for her, she was his first love but slept with his brother, he is in my opinion very lost, so I take alot of ridicule and complaining, I’m 5″7, 135 pounds and have a 1 year old he calls me fat quite often, and he wants everything done to his liking, I want our relationship to get better I know he has it in him, he was not like this when we met, but I also think in trying so hard to prove my love for him, I am destroying almost every part of myself, I am not good with letting go of things I Love so deeply, I just don’t know what to do.
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