Emotionally exhausted? Here are some ways to find restoration… |

Emotionally exhausted? Here are some ways to find restoration…

by Rod Smith

Take up your life....

Are you emotionally out of shape? Psychologically exhausted? Tramped on? Feel trapped? Just as a person can be physically run down, so also can one become emotionally depleted. Here are simple, not easy, steps to getting your internal life into shape. Each will do your internal life as much good as frequent exercise does for a person who is physically out of shape:

1. Speak up where you might previously have remained silent.
2. Realize that not everything you think and feel has to be said or reported.
3. Focus on your own behavior and not the behavior of others. (This might be the most difficult of the 11 suggestions).
4. Rid your life of all blame.
5. Realize you are where you are as a result of your own choices.
6. Set small, secret goals involving no one but you.
7. Refuse to compromise when it comes to telling the truth no matter how much love may be involved.
8. Forgive where you might have previously have been resentful.
9. Do not function in roles not legally yours (don’t play wife if your are not, or dad if you are not).
10. Grasp the fact that emotional health is an individual journey and no one can be held responsible for your journey toward greater emotional health but you.
11. Clarify, for yourself, where you end and others begin. (This IS me, my issue, my responsibility: this is NOT me, my issue, my responsibility).

Posted on October 10, 2007 at 7:31 am in Anger, Betrayal, Boundaries, Children, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Domination, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, High maintenance relationships, Listening, Living together, Long distance relationships, Marriage, Meditation, Parenting/Children, Past relationships, Pornography, Re-marriage, Reactivity, Recovery, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Victims, Violence, Voice | RSS feed | Reply | Trackback URL

Tags: drink, drunk, emotional, exhausted, help, Marriage, remarriage, tired

12 Responses to “Emotionally exhausted? Here are some ways to find restoration…”

Nancy
October 11, 2007 at 10:37 am

Rod – I am curious about the power of “do’s and don’ts” in life. When I follow the biblical model of “do,” I am reenergized. Another do – “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” Joseph Campbell, author of The Hero with a Thousand Faces

Reply
Galen
October 29, 2007 at 9:07 am

Forgive….or accept. I have forgiven my father for years for his abusive acts on me as a child, only to have him “go after” my daughter. One can only forgive those that ask forgiveness and earn it.

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smd1985
November 14, 2007 at 8:53 am

Many times it’s better to keep your mouth shut.

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Sheilah
December 23, 2007 at 10:08 pm

There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. One can forgive and not forget the lessons that were learned through the tough times. We can forgive others for the harm that they caused us but not forget it so that we may keep our own loved ones from suffering like we did in the past.

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Belinda
January 24, 2008 at 5:10 am

I’m in a relationship for years. My friend is struggeling with depression and gets treatment. On sick leave now for 4 months. My problem is that in this 2 years I allways have to understand what he is problem. His mood can change within a second from good to bad. Most of the times in the evening when I need support & love or just want to be myself he will get a way to bring me down, everytime. This happens mostly in the week and he will never do this before family or his friends. I told him and I feel that I’m just good enough to look after him and I must be there whenever he needs me, because if I ask something he will get a way to be spightfull or change his mood. I also told him that in 2 years, I’m to afraid to be myself. I’m a very spontanious person and cant be myself with him. He’s trying from his side and everytime it has happened his sorry and wants to start over. I asked him the other day if he ever talks to anyone else as he talks to me, because I always talk and treat him better than anyone….
Emotionally I’m very down. To get back from work, everyday and facing this is breaking all my hope I had for this relationship. I do love him very much, but I don’t like what he is doing to me emotionally…

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louis love
April 5, 2008 at 11:03 am

my girlfriend and i recently broke up after two years together. ilove her more than anything, and i am trying desperately to fix our relationship, and make it better. she said i did not want to be a father to her 5 yr. old daughter. i love her daughter as much as my own. my way of parenting is wrong and i am taking drastic steps to fix them. what can i do to fix our relationship and show her that i will do whatever it takes for us to be one happy family.

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moira
July 2, 2008 at 1:05 pm

you know wat i have a very abusive relationship.my boyfriend has a 8 years old daughter and i have a 3 years old boy. We are living together with his daughter but he doesnt want my baby and i cant leave him cause we opened a company together but i am scared i wil lose everythin i have if i leave him.eish

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vicky
September 4, 2008 at 5:19 am

i’ve been married for a little more than a year. i’ve experienced verbal abuse from my husband and even caught him with another woman. i almost left him. since that time, he has learned to treat me better. my siblings have only heard about his other woman and they’re angry. i’m caught in between because while i understand their anger, i’m presently in a better situation with my husband. i get emotionally drained having to absorb and be the middle person between my husband and my family. the hardest thing for me, i guess, is to admit that this was my choice and now i have to live with it. someday, i pray, things will become better. i wish i knew better what to do.

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Susan
November 22, 2008 at 8:16 am

I don’t agree with number 5.

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Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
November 22, 2008 at 9:23 pm

…. well, Susan, if you’d perhaps enlarge, I’d be able to make a comment…… Please write more…..

Rod

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- Leslie
  August 22, 2009 at 11:58 pm
  
  I agree with Susan: I too disagree with number 5.
  
  Although one can direct or influence one’s life circumstances, one does not have absolute control over the environment and other people. We therefore have limits as to how far and how quickly we can move from circumstance A to circumstance B, and others can put us in undesirable circumstances that we wouldn’t choose to be in.
  
  An analogy might be the time I was t-boned while driving. The other driver simply did not see my car and darted out from a stop sign. My braking influenced the collision so that she hit my left fender and wheel rather than my driver door, but no amount of acceleration, swerving, or braking on my part would have prevented the collision. I do not think that my choice to be on the road counts against me.
  
  I would also point out that number 5 certainly does not apply to emotionally exhausted victims of child abuse, and I would point out that number 5 is arguably contradictory to number 4.
  
  My suggestion for a rewording would be: “Consider your own choices in your present situation and in how you can find your way to emotional strength.”
  
  As for me, I’m emotionally exhausted on a couple of fronts, and I’m doing everything I reasonably can to find my way out. I have placed multiple irons in proverbial fires, but I simply cannot snap my fingers and have both love and a healthy job in an instant.
  
  Do you understand the concept of “carrying capacity?” Apply it to a person. If one’s resources are depleted faster than they can be replenished, one crashes. I know this from experience, and I’m running at reduced capacity now. I’m doing what I can to change my circumstances, but there’s no quick fix and I cannot make others love me, hire me, or be my customer when I start my business.
  
  Reply