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Should I write a letter to my in-laws about how they treat me……?

by Rod Smith

Would it be fair to my husband to write a letter to his family in order to distance myself from them? I have had hostility and rejection from them for 25 years. The sting of rejection has now become unbearable and I feel uncomfortable in their presence. They never ask how we are or make conversation with me or enquire after my loved ones. I feel their resentment and have never understood why. Would this break down my marriage, as my husband is passive, peacemaker and will not confront them on this issue, so I feel isolated, misunderstood? I am a good, caring, kind person, but they way they treat me is conflicting with my values and feel I need to put a voice to my feelings. (Minimally edited)

Rod’s reply: Writing a letter will not be understood (or appreciated) and it will only serve to offer fuel to the rejection you already experience. Share your painful feelings with a trusted friend.

Remain polite to those who treat you so poorly without going out of your way to engage, or to disengage them.

You are concerned about what is fair to your husband while he is passive (unfair) regarding your pain. Perhaps will come the day your husband will see that passivity can be as abusive and damaging as violence.

Posted on September 10, 2007 at 5:40 pm in Difficult Relationships, Family, In-laws, Spousal abuse, Voice   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL

2 Comments to “Should I write a letter to my in-laws about how they treat me……?”

    
  1. siobhan's avatar
    siobhan
    January 4, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    I wholeheartedly agree with Rod’s reply. people such as your husband are weak ,and his parents are control freaks who obvioulsy have still to cut the apron strings ! I spent 10 years with an emotional abuser who added allowing his parents to treat me like dirt alongside his many other little head games.Eventually I got out, but I’m sure you can sense the bitterness still, although it’s easing as I heal. Talk to him, tell him how they’re making you feel..If he does nothing then take my advice and walk..you deserve better and if he truly loved you, he’d back your corner anytime, even if you were in the wrong.. good luck x

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  2. Unknown's avatar
    Jessica
    November 12, 2008 at 2:04 am

    Hi there I’m feeling so sorry for you being trapped in such an unpleasant situtation .. I’m also suffering from the same problem I found myself surrounded by a crazy family of bullies who were trying to control and direct my life..the four sisters and two nieces plus the mother in law were like an army on their own people told me how they made his first wife leave everything and run away.. You know what? writing a letter to them is not a good idea they will think you are weak and can’t confront them and believe me nasty people will never change no matter how good you treat them be like me ..treat them the same way they treat you use the same strategy they will be confused and helpless , if they ignore you ignore them more if they make fun of you and then say they were just joking don’t give a dum becoz the joke was meant to hurt you if they keep telling you how you must do things tell them no I’ll do it my way , don’t try to please them becoz this will make things worse show them you changed and that you are strong and that you won’t put up with their behaviour anymore one more thing if they tend to be agressive when your husband is not there then try to be always with him so that he can see their bad conduct with you and remember never show them you are hurt by what they do or say but if you feel that it’s more than you can handle then be as far from them as possible many hugs and good luck

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