1. It is addictive and temporarily eases pain from deeply felt sexual inadequacies. Like all addictions, it constantly requires more, stronger, harsher forms to be “satisfied.”
2. It is seductive, helping you avoid your sexual/relational immaturity.
3. The woman (or man) on the page or in the movie, combined with what the images stimulated in your head, will ultimately outperform the flesh-and-blood person who loves you and sever your authentic connection to intimate others.
4. It demonstrates your lack of respect for yourself and others.
5. It helps you to copout from facing the challenge of loving the real people. “Relating” to porn is easy: the images, unlike real people, don’t talk back; don’t express opinions, needs, wants, or feelings – the very essence of authentic love.
6. “Everybody does it” is neither true for helpful. Do not expect your partner to participate in sex if you use porn as a “warm up.” This is most degrading for everyone.
7. Pornography can be as damaging as an extramarital affair. Meeting “someone” in your head can be as damaging to a marriage as secret meetings with a stranger.
8. Pornography makes it “all about you,” feeding the narcissistic tendencies lurking within you. It is the antithesis of love and does nothing to serve it.
Avoid pornography because…
11 Comments to “Avoid pornography because…”
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Very good article. It is true about the pornography, so may people don’t realize that it can destroy a relationship because one thing leads to another.
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Pornography is about pain. Avoided pain. Pain passed onto spouse and children. Pain of the lie. Excuses to not trust. Get the pain off your back. Read the internet for self awareness. Don’t listen to the negative thoughts. Look at anxiety and depression disorders as a possibility for addiction among other reasons. Face fears. Stop the cycle of lies and pain. Heal by getting informed and active again. Don’t wait another minute. You can do this. This article is true. Avoidance can cost you your home, thousands of lost dollars and your family ultimately. Clean it up. Its fake. The producers of pornography may make money but it can only destroy anyone else and that coud be you. Reach out and celebrate your talents . Porn cannot do that for you.
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We are given one life, Why waste what little time we do have with such vain, trivial and false persuits.
There is a difference between knowing this, and KNOWING this. KNOWING this has a meaning, while knowing is an abstract concept. Pornography is Bad. talk is cheap but the meaning is concrete.
Very concise and Thank-you.
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i saw porn on my boyfriends computer and i felt like he was cheating on me!!!!!
it was so hurtful to see that!!!!
i just started crying -
Hello,
Having been married and together with the same man for over 23 years (we met when we were 20 and 23), I know a thing or a thousand and two about pornography. It nearly ended what I thought was a perfect marriage but that wasn’t until about year 15. Asked over and over to partake in many roles of his fantasies, it left nothing for me but pain, the feeling of being emotionally raped and that I was never good enough. In the early years, I thought by being a part of his fantasy, I could make him love me more. How sad to think back now. Surely he would think I was the perfect lover. I thought that by giving him what he wanted, it would make him happy and then in turn, he’d make me #1. But that didn’t happen, back then. Instead what I realized over many, many years was that I was helping him with his addiction, actually giving and allowing him his drug, which in turn not only hurt him but also hurt me by making it impossible to have any real intimacy between us.I began realizing that as a young girl I had been quite normal as far as my sexual nature was concerned. Slowly though, unknowingly, I watched her disappear into someone who was hardly ever comfortable with sex. I rarely experienced sex without being concerned with what he was thinking or fantasising about. I became more and more confused and hurt and angry. He would hide the porn from me then, after I began saying I didn’t want any part of it. Then I would feel betrayed just as if he had had an affair when I found out he was still “doing it”. I pleaded, I begged, I read books, I had him (sort of) read books, I took sex away, I cried, I was hysterical, I did everything. I threatened to leave or ask him to leave the marriage. Over and over and over until I thought I was going to go insane. Then I realized. I was going insane.
I started to understand that it had nothing to do with me or whether or not I was a good enough lover. I’ve been told I look a lot like Rachel Welch (I’m not boasting, just saying) and I keep myself very fit as I am professional athlete, but that didn’t matter. Again, it wasn’t about me. I began realizing that it was about his fear of intimacy along with his idea of the “perfect” girl that he had painted in his mind long before I came along (through porn I might add) and that “she” was who I was competing with. When this hit full core it all became clear. I finally drew a line in the sand and gave myself the permission to say no more and really mean it. And I did. I was ready to leave and he knew it. It wasn’t easy and with it came incredible change, turbulence and anger but I can say now say, as my husband says, that he is far, far better a person now than he has ever been or was with pornography in his mind. It’s still something he has to work on every day and he does, but now he’s more whole, more complete, more loving, more forgiving, more human than ever in our 27 years together (counting before we were married).
We sought counseling from one of the leaders in sexual addiction, Doug Weiss of Heart to Heart Counseling, which was paramount in our recovery. Yes, our recovery. I was partly to blame for allowing it all those years.
There are success stories but it’s not easy. They say it’s as hard or harder than coccaine addiction but without any of thetell tale signs. No drug testing, no alcohol on your breath. Only deep pathways in your brain that rely on tremendously powerful chemicals that your body makes every time you play that tape or turn that page.
If you’re out there hurting from this terrible addiction, seek help. Tell someone. Find someone who can help. Our life is so different now. If anyone out there is living with this and its killing you inside, don’t live another minute with it. Do the steps you need to in order to heal yourself while making a real line in the sand to say no more. You won’t believe the life you CAN live!
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I do agree pornography is not for everyone. If one is in a place emotionally either in an unstable relationship or an unstable mental state then any amount of propaganda can confuse them with reality. I do feel that it is a bit extreme to make a general statement that all people should avoid pornography. Some pornography is art and some even educational and can help rekindle some feelings that were perhaps un tapped into in a long relationship. I feel that if your relationship is on stable ground and that the pornography is not obtained and watched in a secret or sneaky way than it can be ok.
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Thanks, Rod, for writing about this dreadful noose, and why it is worth avoiding in the first place.
Re your Number 6
“…..The user ought to be left to get their complete sexual fulfillment from it. ….”
This sentence seems to me to be contrary to your otherwise very well-made point: “Avoid pornography.” Perhaps a matter of formulation?Re your Number 4.
“….lshows your ack of respect for yourself and others.” Yes, it does. Lack of respect for the partners who feel betrayed or debased. And the whole porn industry shows terrible lack of respect for the actors and actresses who “star” in the pornography: they are often there under duress or at least desperation. -
Thanks, Jacky — improved, I hope.
Rod -
I really disagree with the spirit of this post. I think that pornography can be fun, normal, and healthy. There is nothing wrong with receiving some of your sexual input from porn and it has no necessary reason to cause relationship stress.
My girlfriend knows that I look at porn and she is fine with it. In fact, sometimes we watch it together; we watch things that we both are stimulated by and then we use it to better enjoy each other.
I think that what is damaging is when people hide it or don’t talk about it. But there is no reason the medium itself should cause any significant stress.
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It seems you and your wife have found use in something that has destroyed intimacy for many…… I wish you only the best. Perhaps it ceases to be “porn” in the manner you have described your use of it. I only hope you both continue to agree regarding its use and when one of you does not, I trust you both will cease. Mutuality is KEY in all these matters.
Thanks for writing — I found your writing very interesting.
Rod
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I have so many questions that need answers……..the big one is how can I help my husband not feel inadequate? He is hooked to the point of spending huge sums of money …..just to talk to live girls in their private chat rooms……
whats wrong with me???
I am dieing to talk with my over quiet husband, to know what he is thinking….and now to know what he is doing, planning, etc.
Why do men feel the grass is greener outside to home?
Thanks
difficultrelationships.com 