“Loving” children too much…

by Rod Smith

1. The children’s wants are habitually placed ahead of the needs of the parents.
2. Day-to-day family decisions revolve around the children and their delicate moods and mood swings.
3. There is an anxious cloud hovering over the parents as the reason for being together is no longer love and commitment, but the creation of a perfect environment for children.
4. Adult conversations are next to impossible because the children interrupt conversations at will, or, in the children’s absence, the children’s developments and “sweetness” are the focus of every conversation.
5. Self-esteem is considered so fragile that the children are overly protected from the truth about his or her skills, talents and abilities.
6. One of the adults feels married to a parent and not to a partner.
7. The parents have given up all former hobbies and interests and focused all their energy upon the children.
8. The home’s décor is dominated by the children’s art and photographs, which, of course, is not in itself negative, but something is amiss when parents appear to have lost all perspective regarding the adult’s and children’s place in the larger context of life and life’s demands. Celebrating children is one thing; worshipping children is harmful.

4 Comments to ““Loving” children too much…”

  1. This is a great list that all parents, grandparents and parents to be should read!

  2. I don’t believe that you can love children too much. One can focus to much attention and anxiety toward their children. But you can’t love a child too much.

  3. Precisely my point, Alli — too much attention and anxiety sent from a parent to a child in the name of love, is hardly helpful or loving…..

    Thanks for writing,

    Rod Smith

  4. My son is 25 and in graduate school studying an arcane subject, so he isn’t into contact with others much, except his three female roommates. His father, who is gay, and I were divorced when he was 12. I didn’t date much after the divorce, and his father dated many men. To make a long story short, I worry about my son’s development and don’t know if I can help him at all. Since his college girlfriend broke up with him three years ago, he rarely dates, focuses on food and interactive video games, reads a whole lot, and has gained way too much weight. Although he doesn’t share much about his personal life with me, he says he lacks confidence and doesn’t feel okay initiating. I’d love to refer him to a good book about becoming a man (or have his father do so). Can you recommend anything. I have recommended counseling…he says he has no time. Thanks much.

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