Posts tagged ‘Grandparents’

September 25, 2008

My son gets money from his grandparents who can’t seem to say NO…

by Rod Smith

My son (19), although he does work, gets a lot of money from his grandparents on his father’s side. Although we are divorced, and it his father’s parents, I still feel some responsibility and that my son should not do this. They can’t seem to say no to him and I just heard he ran up his grandmother’s mobile phone account to an astronomical amount. I recently got an indirect message from my husband that my interference was not appreciated. Please advise. (Letter edited)

If I were in your shoes, I too would feel overwhelmed with the sense that your son is being inappropriate. I would find myself wishing my former in-laws felt more empowered to refuse to give my son money, and I would most certainly desire he did not ask for it.

But, we are dealing with autonomous adults. Your son and his grandparents are free to engage in whatever dance they wish to enjoy. At some point, and probably without your help, someone in the mix is going to begin to insist on a change in behavior, and it is likely to happen without your having to interfere.

July 12, 2007

“Loving” children too much…

by Rod Smith

1. The children’s wants are habitually placed ahead of the needs of the parents.
2. Day-to-day family decisions revolve around the children and their delicate moods and mood swings.
3. There is an anxious cloud hovering over the parents as the reason for being together is no longer love and commitment, but the creation of a perfect environment for children.
4. Adult conversations are next to impossible because the children interrupt conversations at will, or, in the children’s absence, the children’s developments and “sweetness” are the focus of every conversation.
5. Self-esteem is considered so fragile that the children are overly protected from the truth about his or her skills, talents and abilities.
6. One of the adults feels married to a parent and not to a partner.
7. The parents have given up all former hobbies and interests and focused all their energy upon the children.
8. The home’s décor is dominated by the children’s art and photographs, which, of course, is not in itself negative, but something is amiss when parents appear to have lost all perspective regarding the adult’s and children’s place in the larger context of life and life’s demands. Celebrating children is one thing; worshipping children is harmful.