I want the sex details of her past relationships – it is my business, and she won’t tell…

by Rod Smith

QUESTION: My girlfriend was very sexually active before we met. Jealousy often rages in me. She won’t tell me about any of her past relationships and it feels to me like she still prefers other men.

ROD’S REPLY: I predict that the more this eats at you, the more you will want to know. The more she tells you, 0r refuses to tell you, the more you will ask. Every detail she divulges will haunt you, and finally, your obsessions will silence her. When she is silenced, you will claim that she has something to hide or that she still has “feelings” for some guy she probably no longer even knows. This is your issue, not hers.

Shakespeare did not call jealousy the “the green eyed monster” for nothing. Try to get over it. If you want this relationship to grow in a healthy manner, you had better understand what is, and is not, your business. Jealousy over relationships that predate you is unreasonable. Her behavior then, is none of your business, now.

I’d suggest you focus on trying to be a little less controlling. My guess is that were this not the issue, you’d be jealous about something else.

6 Comments to “I want the sex details of her past relationships – it is my business, and she won’t tell…”

  1. So true, this is a control issue, his problem, not hers. If you love her, then you love her for who she is today, she is who she is today because of all of her past experiences.

    Let it go, or let her go, that is the only two choices that you have that will give you and her any peace.

  2. I encourage you to let it go as well. I fell to the pressure of giving details of a previous relationship and have paid the price for 26 years. You are focusing on her past, not the present relationship you have with her. If knowing the details mean more to you than her feeling safe with her history maybe you should rethink the relationship all together.

  3. Drop her. She’s immoral.

    (responder used unacceptable terms in the above comment. I edited the remark.
    Rod Smith)

  4. I have recently gone through the same thing with my boyfriend. I respect his past, ex wife ex girlfriends, relationships and do not think it is any of my business but he needed to know everything about me. I now feel stripped of myself. I still have not told him everything as somethings are personal. I am a good person today and all my past has made me the person he fell in love with including my past loves. Dont make her feel bad about herself my asking inappropriate questions about her past. That is all you are doing and she will feel judged. She loves you for who you are today give her the same respect.

  5. I have been through this. I wanted to know everything because I felt that I wanted a complete relationship, 100%, I wanted her past aswell. For me it was worse imagining what had happened, I gave all of my history.

    This has caused problems and I have to trust what she tells me (all women lie about this) she has to trust me with what she tells me. What is the problem with this I don’t understand? as men we are always blamed for poor communication, when you get ‘deep’ into the emotional detail women don’t like it, their version of communication is superfical.

  6. Yeah, live for the future and not the past. I know it’s hard and ive been their but nothing can come good outta the past, it’ll just murder you until you give in. Either drop her or forget it, it’s up to you. Id move on with one of the choices.

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