Archive for February 27th, 2007

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February 27, 2007

Someone who loves you….. ADD YOUR OWN TO THE LIST VIA “COMMENTS” AND I WILL UPDATE THE LIST ON A REGULAR BASIS….

by Rod Smith

Someone who loves you will…

  1. almost always put their cellular phone off when you are together
  2. not avoid or screen your phone calls or check up on who you have been phoning
  3. not lie to you
  4. make eye contact when you speak and listen to what you are saying
  5. say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ a lot
  6. not tell you what you need or should do
  7. seldom mind if you keep them waiting, but will work hard at being prompt for you
  8. not mind if there are things you’d prefer not to tell them
  9. usually ask you about your day
  10. laugh at your jokes even if the jokes are older than your grandfather
  11. work hard at loving your extended family even if it is only out respect for you
  12. encourage you to have many close friends
  13. enjoy seeing you using your skills and talents
  14. not tell you how to dress
  15. enjoy working together on the mundane daily tasks of life (www.tobeme.wordpress.com)
  16. show appreciation on days other than birthdays, holidays and anniverseries (www.tobeme.wordpress.com)
  17. take care of body, mind, and spirit (www.nancyaxelrad.wordpress.com)
  18. keep the faith with you in hard times (www.nancyaxelrad.wordpress.com)
  19. have patience not to give up, or leave, when business problems arise (www.dreambuilders.co.au)
  20. have ability to imagine what it’s like in the other person’s shoes before criticizing (www.dreambuilders.co.au)
  21. not try to change you (this and the following 3 are from “Mmmm”)
  22. remember the little things that matter in your life
  23. want to know the important people in your life
  24. introduce you to the important people in his/her life to show you are important
  25. will do, using the best of his/her ability, tasks that you ask him/her to do, even if he/she doesn’t enjoy the tasks and if they are a hassle or have no promise of any reward (From Joe at funkeemonk.com)
  26. has integrity, and will not say things just to make you feel better – even if they believe it to be untrue (www.funkeemonk.com/blog)
  27. will not insist on their way all the time
  28. will be kind to your friends
  29. will be careful with your feelings (www.lisamm.wordpress.com)

Posted in Communication, Forgiveness, In-laws, Recovery, Triggers, Trust, Voice | 8 Comments »

February 27, 2007

I want the sex details of her past relationships – it is my business, and she won’t tell…

by Rod Smith

QUESTION: My girlfriend was very sexually active before we met. Jealousy often rages in me. She won’t tell me about any of her past relationships and it feels to me like she still prefers other men.

ROD’S REPLY: I predict that the more this eats at you, the more you will want to know. The more she tells you, 0r refuses to tell you, the more you will ask. Every detail she divulges will haunt you, and finally, your obsessions will silence her. When she is silenced, you will claim that she has something to hide or that she still has “feelings” for some guy she probably no longer even knows. This is your issue, not hers.

Shakespeare did not call jealousy the “the green eyed monster” for nothing. Try to get over it. If you want this relationship to grow in a healthy manner, you had better understand what is, and is not, your business. Jealousy over relationships that predate you is unreasonable. Her behavior then, is none of your business, now.

I’d suggest you focus on trying to be a little less controlling. My guess is that were this not the issue, you’d be jealous about something else.

Posted in Anxiety, Attraction, Betrayal, Communication, Differentiation, Domination, Forgiveness, Past relationships, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Space, Spousal abuse, Therapeutic Process, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Violence | 6 Comments »

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