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Reactive people tend to damage relationships….

by Rod Smith

Get out of the middle!

Get out of the middle!

Are you a reactive person or a responsive person?

Reactive behavior is characterized by:

1. Rash, knee-jerk decisions; being anger-driven, living with a “short fuse.”
2. Getting other people rallying for a cause, stampeding to get your way.
3. Being highly subjective and self-protective.
4. Running in the other direction.
5. Being easily hurt, insulted, or damaged.
6. Being humorless or seeing humor as a waste of time.
7. Developing a conspiratorial tone with others.
8. Saying, “People are saying…… about you.”
9. Over-functioning (doing things beyond your responsibilities).
10. Under-functioning (avoiding your responsibilities).
11. Giving unsought advice and expecting it to be followed.
12. Doing things for others that they can do for themselves.
13. Remaining surprised and innocent after causing much disruption.
14. Being vindictive.
15. Trying to get people to take sides.
16. Being unable to see beyond survival, feeling threatened at every turn.
17. Feeling overly responsible for others.
18. Feeling no other person, except you, knows what is right or good.

Posted on March 31, 2006 at 2:04 pm in Affairs, Anger, Anxiety, Reactivity   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL

3 Responses to “Reactive people tend to damage relationships….”

    
  1. bronwynkate's avatar
    bronwynkate
    March 31, 2006 at 4:45 pm

    I am a reactive person because I tend to over function and under function. These are the things which resonate with me. I have a dysfunctional attitude to responsibility, which is reflected in my doing things for others they can do themselves, but I do not feel particularly responsible for anybody including myself. I do often remain surprised and innocent. I think this is due more to my naivete in social relationships. When I cause a lot of disruption I either want to hide or I want to resolve it – too quickly at times. I try not to give advice or be vindictive because I don’t want to control or hurt people when they are hurt and it’s not about me, it’s about them and I’m just reacting to the hurt I see. I don’t think I’m easily hurt and I love humour. I do make knee-jerk decisions at times but that is because I’m under pressure and I consider myself love-driven and often fear-driven and I am driven by doing the right thing, but I accept all forms of right and good (and try to understand wrong and evil whenever I can) because I am a moral relativist, and I think evil will destroy itself eventually. It always does, and it’s not really good triumphing over evil like in the stories we tell abour ourselves and our childhood.

    Aren’t these behaviours part of being human, and didn’t some of them serve us well in evolution since we came down from the trees. I can see how reactive behaviours deny what is the best in human nature, and I like to see and develop the best and the real in humanity.

    Reply
  2. BG's avatar
    BG
    April 29, 2010 at 7:45 am

    So… how do you NOT do these things?

    Reply

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