Author Archive

January 3, 2024

Listen up

by Rod Smith

To listen is to love.

Listening, no matter how skilled you are, cannot be faked. 

You may be a skilled multitasker but even you can’t listen and, at the same time, do other things. 

Even if you’re one of those people who can “spin a lot of plates at one time” or whatever the metaphor is, even you can’t do other things and listen and really hear the person talking to you.

Listening takes more than both ears. It takes both ears, both eyes, a closed mouth, and your whole focused body. 

Even thinking about or wanting to check your phone, let alone the shifty reptile-like quick glances you give it and think no one notices, upsets your capacity to hear and it disturbs the speaker’s ease in talking to you.

Another thing that really upsets listening is your own unresolved stuff with other people, living or dead. As soon as any person “goes deep,” the millisecond he or she approaches anything close to something unresolved in your life, even if it’s from years ago, it’ll set you off inside, close your ears, or start you talking. 

That’s how we ward off stuff, manage triggers, fight to keep things buried. 

To listen is to love.

It’s often the only thing someone may want from you.

No distractions
January 1, 2024

Dig deeper

by Rod Smith

“The doldrum days” (the wait for the New Year) are over. The pace of life will resume. Many new year pledges will be forgotten. I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to dig a little deeper:

Dig deeper when it comes to caring for your health. Determine to do what you know will prolong your life. Look around you. It is obvious when people live against their own longevity, day by day, meal by meal, nap by nap. Everything in my day-to-day experience improves when I dedicate time to exercise and eating well.

DIg deeper into your loving and caring and creative side. In other words, all of your relationships. The adult in you has long recognized our human desire for powerful human connection. Reach out to the important people in your life. Minimize potential for regret. 

Dig a little deeper into your relationship with money. You are either in charge of your money or it is in charge of you. Credit card debt, excessive gambling, binge spending, have ruined many lives and marriages. Repeatedly spending beyond our means is a sure-fire formula for ruin. 

Eating, relating with others, earning and spending, are all deeply spiritual exercises. They reflect the conditions of our souls, our inner-beings. This is exactly the reason upsets in any of these areas of our lives can be fuel for distress.

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This graphic illustrates the reach of this column…..

Where it’s green there are readers…..!

December 31, 2023

What do you mean “happy” new year?

by Rod Smith

The Mercury and to all who may read this….

Of course I want you to have a “happy” new year. What exactly do I mean?

• May you find authentic inclusion with a group of caring friends.

• May you enjoy significant connection and derive mutual satisfaction with members of your immediate and extended family and family of choice.

• May you have meaningful work, work that respectfully uses your talents, strengths and imagination.

• May your capacity for humor enrich those whom you love and bring joy.

• May you discover new and wonderful things about yourself and others despite your years of experience.

• May regret over past failures provide you with healthy awareness rather than weigh you down.

• May you be part of the solution and not part of the problem in matters large and small.

• May you become more skillful in defining your boundaries and therefore more able to love your friends, family, colleagues, strangers and foes.

• May you resist urges, subtle or gross — all of which may be socially acceptable — to exploit others to accomplish your personal or professional goals.

• May you do no harm and may no harm be done to you.

• May we be agents of peace.

—————
The Mercury is one of South Africa’s longest running weekday morning newspapers. It is published in KZN, a province of South Africa.

I have enjoyed the privilege of writing daily for this newspaper since March 21, 2001. This affords me the unusual joy of occasionally being able to surprise friends. Pictured below is a couple whom I married in Prague (earlier this year). A few days before the wedding I discovered they were going South Africa for their honeymoon. Here they are reading a welcome column in The Mercury while in Umhlanga.

Newly weds…..!
Greeted in The Mercury
December 26, 2023

Shed the bracelets……

by Rod Smith

WWJD?

“Now what would Jesus do?” asked the woman glancing at her WWJD bracelet. 

“Grape nuts,” replied the companion instantly, as if he’d served Jesus breakfast that morning. I slipped away pondering how the will and the ways of the greatest political, religious and social reformer of all time got reduced to a formula for grocery shopping. 

I am glad the use of these bracelets appears to be waning. It remains a great question, but wearing it on a wrist somehow suggests that the answer is easily accessible. It suggests that if you will simply stop and think a little, having eyed the bracelet, you’ll get the answer. Then, as you act on your newfound knowledge, your predicaments will be resolved, you will have a better life, and conditions in the world will improve all around for everybody. 

Quite the contrary: Answering the question and doing what Jesus would do in any situation is neither easily established nor executed. Finding the answer itself would take a lot of work, like tunneling back though a couple of thousand years, researching culture, geography and weather conditions and the varying political and religious climates. Then we’d have to identify, and then decipher, metaphor, understand and interpret tone and intent, and immerse ourselves in at least a few ancient languages. Besides all this, we’d need a working knowledge of the subcultures and the prejudices that existed within those subcultures. Then, with all this done, we might be able to decide what Jesus would do given some, but not all, situations we face. 

The next challenge, once we’ve established the answer, would be to have the courage to do what Jesus would do. WWJD is not about “doing the right thing.” Jesus did not always do the “right” thing. If that were so, no cross would have awaited him. Doing the “right thing” would have endeared him to those who mattered and would not have required him to buck authority.

Essentially Jesus laid a platform for his followers to live differently. It doesn’t take more than a reading of the New Testament to see that he despised pretentiousness and empty religious “performance” and was particularly vocal wherever he found religious zeal that was without internal transformation. He despised abusive systems and was a particular critic of those who ripped off others. 

I do not think Jesus cares what cereal you buy, or for that matter, what dress or suit you wear or how your hair is or is not cut. But I do believe he cared about what kind of person you are and whether you love mercy, humility, truth and justice, and challenge the systems where these qualities are absent. It is apparently forgotten that Jesus was hardly a nice guy. Today he’d be a threat to our political order and might not be able to find a church he’d attend, let alone one that would permit him to preach! Consequently doing what Jesus would do could significantly reduce your popularity, The real question, by the way, is not “what would Jesus do” but rather what will you do in response to what he has done?

Shed the bracelets. It’s not grape nuts or cheerios, but love and truth, mercy and justice, that might bring us all a little closer to reflecting who and what Jesus was. But be careful, you might shed the bracelet and exchange it for a cross – and it won’t be hanging around your neck.

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When published in The Indianapolis Star, this column certainly got me some fans – and enemies. The morning it appeared my email was as hot! I was called brilliant, I was called stupid. One reader said that finally he’d read something by an intelligent Christian about a really stupid gimmick. Another said he’d be praying for my salvation even though he was convinced I was a lost cause.

December 25, 2023

Getting ready for new year resolutions?

by Rod Smith

It’s time for New Year’s resolutions. 

The louder and bolder mine are, I’ve learned over the years, the less likely they are to last. 

I do tend to follow through a little better on silent, private resolutions. 

Prior to making hopeful decisions about the coming year I also try to elucidate three or so learnings or observations from the last 12 months. 

Repeated questions gave shape to my 2023:

“What kind of person do you want to be?” I asked myself almost daily. Answering it, trying to live according to my answers, I believe saved me some pain and expense. The joy of the question is that it removes others from the equation. It removes all elements of blame and any potential desire for pay-back. It obliterates all traces of victim thinking and victim living.

“How would you like your sons to behave in any parallel circumstances at a similar age?” Trying to live the answer to this question has, I believe, provided me with safe guidance. 

“Seed or stone; bloom or tomb?” Answering this question, posed in a poem by Dennis and Mathhew Linn, has been life-transforming. Seeds grow, feed — represent life; stones are hard and lifeless, can hurt and wound. It’s far easier to stone others than it is to resist the urge and transform whatever it is into life-giving seeds. This metaphor has guided my responses to many challenging circumstances. I like to think I have chosen seeds and have been determined to throw no stones.

Greetings from my sons, from me, and from Duke
December 24, 2023

Is there a better birthday gift?

by Rod Smith

This arrived on my phone from my younger son’s girlfriend this morning;

December 20, 2023

A note to my sons — shared also with you — about love

by Rod Smith

Love one another is surely among life’s hardest, crucial, most fabulous assignments.

Jesus commanded it. 

He did not suggest it or consider it a good idea. 

If we claim faith in Jesus, His commands leave us no options, no outs, or off ramps.

We are to love those who love us back and those who do not. 

We are to love even those who for whatever reason, have chosen to reject and hate us. Hardest perhaps, we are to love those for whom we are invisible, those who regard us, if they even notice we exist, with indifference. 

We are to love modern day Samaritans (the commonly rejected change from culture to culture, group to group) and Pharisees (today’s know-it-all blowhards who peer down at we lesser mortals) and teachers of the law and hookers and addicts and bankers and Rev. Private Jet pastors and prostitutes. We are to love those who treat us with the contempt shown to New Testament Samaritans. 

Yes. 

Everyone.     

As you, my sons, love others well and as you learn to love even more people – it doesn’t come naturally – from the most distant or platonic of relationships, to the most intimate and sacred love and trust in marriage, you will be guided, sometimes cajoled, driven, even bullied by deep inner impulses. 

Strong tides, forces unseen, forces felt but unknown will rise within you.

These inner pressures are sufficiently powerful that words expressed on any page will not be able to quell the force they will try to exert over you.

Love drills down deep for discovery of the opposite spirit, the counter-intuitive approach, the unexpected, the unanticipated means toward a loving, kind end. 

Love your enemies is not some insurmountable-Jesus-hurdle. 

He did not command it to trick anyone. 

Loving your enemies is the gateway to loving all people, even to love those whom we may consider easy to love.

No one is easy to love. 

Remember, what you can do to anyone you can do to everyone. 

Love is really understanding the parable of the “good” Samaritan and trying to live it out daily.

Love, to imperfectly and briefly quote Paul, the Apostle, doesn’t return evil for evil.

Finally, read Paul’s summary of love in 1 Corinthians 13 and remind yourself over and over again, Paul did not have wedding sermons in mind when he put his heart on paper.

Go into all the world…..
December 14, 2023

People will tell you who they are…..

by Rod Smith

….. with reasonable and trustworthy accuracy:

“The thing to remember always is that you’re surrounded by idiots. Once you get that right in your own head things start moving in your favor.”

“Everyone has something to teach me. I try to learn from everyone.”

“I never fly economy. Who’d ever do that? It’s like moving cattle. See you later.” 

“It’s such a privilege to see the world. My company policy is everyone flies economy. Even the top brass.”

“I make all the decisions in our home. He leaves it all up to me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

“I just go straight to the top. I don’t mess with the lower rank employees, the paid by the hour sorts of people.” 

“I try to live without blaming others. Yes, bad things have happened to me but I’m an adult now. I’ve got to live with what I’ve got and make the best of everything.”

“Wait for a table? Not me. I get what I want when I want or I don’t go back. I vote with my feet and they know it.”

(Said to me —- or overheard in a variety of settings)

December 13, 2023

Who and what do you want to be?

by Rod Smith

What kind of person do you want to be? 

May this question help you to plan your day. I confess, it’s constantly in the back of my mind with almost all my daily interactions. 

You’ve seen him demanding to see the boss, insisting on getting his way, banging fists on the counter. He becomes aggressive and threatening when things don’t go his way. You can be this person if you want. It all depends on what kind of person you want to be.

You’ve heard and seen her, raising her voice at a waiter in a fine restaurant because something wasn’t up to her standards. She plays dirty and attempts to humiliate helpers to land a free meal. You can be this way if you want. Everything depends on who you want to be.

You’ve seen him, kind and patient under stress, generous and openhearted, even when facing difficulties. You can be this way if you want. It’s always, and there are no exceptions, up to you. 

You’ve seen her, helping the poor, serving the sick, making meals for neighbors, all-the-while undergoing her own stresses, suffering beneath her own burdens and loads. She serves while she herself deserves to be served. You can be this way if you want. Everything pivots on what kind of person you want to be.

My friend Michael — a finer human (than Michael) I’m yet to meet.
December 12, 2023

Kindness

by Rod Smith

Genuine kindness expressed today, among us all –– colleagues at the office, the teachers in the staff room, doctors and nurses who pass each other running the hallways of a busy hospital –– wherever we find ourselves at work or at play, expressed kindness will be helpful to all. 

Expressing kindness will change your mood and enhance your day. 

Small acts of kindness might not change the world, but they will enhance our individual experiences of work, and add joy and meaning to the most repetitive of tasks.

Kindness in a nutshell: 

Don’t gossip, or spread rumors, or tell tales about others. Don’t speak negatively about other people. Don’t lie. Try not to ignore people, or regard others as a means to getting your way — no one wants to be your stepping stone.

Be generous, and wide-hearted, open-handed. Offer accurate compliments to those who might least expect to hear kind words. Tip well, even if the service or food is not up to scratch. How you tip is about you, not the service or food.

Most of all, and this is a well-known secret to great fulfillment, do your job — whatever it is — very well. It is a powerful way to be kind both to yourself and to your boss!

Thulani (center) in Togo in 1999. We were there for a week after being refused entry into Ukraine. We were returned to Frankfurt, spent the week in Munchin, flew to Togo, before returning to the USA.