Grief, loss, mourning

by Rod Smith

Loss, grief, mourning 

• Grief can go into hiding and emerge months, years later, as something quite unexpected like anger, disappointment or cynicism, and/or kindness, joy, softness, and appreciation. • Time itself doesn’t heal, not usually. Some grief is never “healed” and some losses never find “closure” but the lack of both does not mean survivors cannot live full, productive, beautiful lives. • Replacing a loss with another person “too quickly” may be unwise, unfair, irresponsible. It doesn’t feel that way for the one who has suffered. Insisting on it is usually alienating and counterproductive and can rip already suffering families apart. • Mourning has a wild life of its own, at least initially, and it’s best not tamed by the untrained. • When a person who had suffered loss declares he or she’d rather not talk about “it” the desire is best respected. • Our uniqueness as individuals is also reflected in how people respond to difficulties associated with significant loss. It’s ridiculous to approach a grieving person with a step-by-step generic packaged formula. • Non-possessive warmth, listening ears, and a hot cups of tea may be the most powerful gifts a person can offer one who has suffered.

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