Grief and grieving

by Rod Smith

Grief and grieving is a life-long process. If you have suffered great loss, the death of a spouse, parent, child, or sibling, marriage, a deeply-bonded relationship, recently or decades ago, do not be surprised if:

  • You are still not over it. Some losses are never fully grieved and will leave deep scars and escape healing or recovery or closure. This is all true for you despite what you have read and heard about “time heals.”
  • Others, even people close to you, expect you to “move on” when there are days you feel as crippled by the loss as if it just happened. Consequently, you develop a story about why you are having a bad day because, if you confess your actual experience, you know you are tiring those who think you should have “moved on by now.”
  • You feel guilty when you do sense freedom from the loss and you feel guilty when you don’t.
  • You sometimes dream about the person whom you grieve and in the dream you know you are dreaming and want the dream to last forever. Waking up from the dream feels like a letdown of immense proportions.
  • You measure your life in terms of “before” and “after” the loss of a person you love or the relationship you had.

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