Shame has pernicious intent for our lives. It lurks; it’s imbedded in our language as in, “You should be ashamed of yourself,” says the parent or teacher, and it casts its debilitating shadow and cuffs itself to the shamed hearer.
Here are some means it uses to set up house and does its work of life-long restraining:
Abandonment: “See, if you were good enough (prettier, cleverer, slimmer, taller, shorter) he or she would have stayed. It’s your own fault you are alone.”
Trauma: “You deserved it. If you’d been more alert (agile, aware, fatter, thinner, taller, shorter) then you’d not have been selected as a victim. What happened doesn’t happen to all children or adults so it’s your fault.”
Guilt: “What you have done is not only bad you are bad for having done it or even for thinking about doing it (no matter what “it” is). You are forever defiled and you will carry this around forever. People can see it on you.”
Shame-based living is tough and wearisome.
Shame is lessened, even expelled, through the exposure that authentic vulnerability brings.
Shame drives people into further acts of shameful behaviors.
Vulnerability in a community loosens its grip and ushers in well-deserved freedom.
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