Seeking emotional pain is usually foolish. There are people who appear to intentionally engage in unhealthy relationships, who knowingly trade in deceit, who betray long-held friendships, and provoke jealousy. It is as if they get up in the morning with the goal of attracting drama at every turn and it seldom disappoints.

Then, there are those who avoid emotional pain as much as possible.

They refuse to be “up front” with what they need and want, they enduringly bury their dreams and ambition for the sake of “peace.” They tolerate all manner of nonsense in the belief that exercising their freedoms, developing their voices, expanding their horizons will be more painful than the life they have thus far created.

All growth and change requires some loss and loss usually – but not always – requires some pain.

Marching, or even limping, toward healthy and necessary pain and facing and embracing the inevitable necessary trauma of getting into a healthier place may be a terrifying idea for habitual conflict-avoiders and for those who persistently deny themselves a more fulfilling future.

But, it is worth it.

The vast majority of my clients who pay the price of pain in the immediate for something better in the future are overwhelmingly pleased they did it.

Parents, please teach your children as I try to teach mine….

• There is no substitute for hard work. If you cut corners, avoid doing things well, you will probably have to pay for it in the future.
• “Please” and “thank you” are beautiful words and they should be used as often as possible.
• Don’t interrupt adults who are having a conversation – and saying “excuse me” as you interrupt doesn’t make the interruption acceptable.
• Wear clean clothes, use deodorant, and brush your teeth – do all this without having to be reminded.
• Stand up for adults; offer your seat to adults, open doors for adults.
• Ask for what you need; don’t demand what you need.
• Listen when people talk to you. Checking your phone in the middle of a face-to-face conversation is downright rude.
• Although you may not think it is so, your elders have a lot to teach you and you have a lot of learning to do.
• When you are more aware of your rights than you are aware of your responsibilities the imbalance will ultimately lead you into trouble.
• Earn more money than you spend – it’s as simple as that – or you will land yourself in trouble.