Archive for October 6th, 2013

October 6, 2013

Should husband intervene between his wife and mother?

by Rod Smith

“What’s your opinion on this quotation by TV relationship expert: ‘If your wife has a problem with your mother, it is your job to intervene and try to fix it.'”

A husband could intervene and try to “fix” a problem between the two important women in his life but the results will be temporary and playing superman will get old. Intervening in others’ conflicts is the springboard to burnout.

And, he’ll be signing up to intervene in many more conflicts, which, except for the conflicts they mutually enjoy, will have nothing to do with him.

If a wife can’t negotiate with her mother-in-law she’s likely to fight with many.

Besides, trying to fix a relationship from the outside, encourages participants to think the issues stem from the outside.

Here’s an axiom: problems between two people are seldom about the “other” person. I’d suggest each woman deeply consider what it is about herself that conflict seems to be a worthwhile pursuit.

If a wife really wants to fix her relationship with her mother-in-law a good place to begin is with her own mother – go authentically deeper with mom, and she’d be amazed at how much else will begin to fall into place.

So, I think “TV relationship expert” is incorrect.