Archive for June 11th, 2012

June 11, 2012

I did not know he was married……

by Rod Smith

“I had a year-long relationship with a married man. I say ‘relationship’ because I was not aware that he was married. I am grieving. When he confessed it was the first time that he told me he loved me and was afraid to lose me. He admitted he was separated but financial circumstances pushed him to his wife. We tried to bargain for a month. It was difficult because the emotions were strong. A part of me did not want to let go. I realized I was settling for whatever I could take. So painfully, I let him go and cut ties. I told his wife and apologized. I know it was partly an act of vengeance, but also I know that by saying that to the wife, I would keep my word. He wasn’t ready to let go. I did not want to stay trapped. I’m trying to move on but still cry a lot. I don’t know how to vent my anger. I am still hoping I made the right decision. I need more strength to rebuild myself.” (Minimal edits)

The part of you that cut ties, that apologized, that decided you were “settling” is the part of you that will help you thrive. Keep listening to that voice!

June 11, 2012

He slapped me and left……. what do I do?

by Rod Smith

“I have been dating this guy for a year. We are both 30. He is jealous and insecure and would not let me hang out with my guy friends without accusing me of sleeping with them. I started limiting my outings because he used to fight and call me names like ‘characterless woman.’ He saw me texting at dinner and demanded to know who I was texting and when I refused to tell him he started accusing me in front of the hotel staff that I cheated on. He snatched my phone from me and threatened to break it. He would not let me get out of the car or drop me home till I answered his questions even though I repeatedly told him I have not cheated. When he finally dropped me home I forbade him from coming in and asked him leave me alone. He slapped me and abused me and left. Please tell me what to do?”

What to do? Report him to the police, get a restraining or a peace order against him, and NEVER see him again. This is not a “boyfriend” – “friend” suggests pleasure, joy, and freedom, and there is none of that here. He might be insecure and have “control issues” but you are the one dating him.