We are respected in our church and now our daughter is pregnant…..

by Rod Smith

“My daughter (17) has come home from London (to South Africa) and told me she is pregnant. We are very upset and the young man has no interest in her anymore. We are a respected family in the church community and this is a shame for us. What do we do?” (Letter shortened)

You fall to your knees. Thank God for the fabulous joy and privilege of welcoming your daughter home. Thank God for the exceeding joy of adding another child to your extended family. Tell the world and any who will listen that you love your daughter and your love is greater than any need to hush things up or make her feel as if she has committed the unpardonable sin.

Pregnancies might be unplanned, inconvenient, or even embarrassing, but people are never “unplanned.”

If your church is anywhere close to understanding Biblical truth they will throw a party for your daughter. They will rally around her, support her in every manner. Then they will wait with loving anticipation to meet and greet and honor the newest member of their extended family.

I will remind you (and, sadly, you might have to remind your church) that some of the most esteemed figures in Biblical history were born under very difficult and “questionable” circumstances.

7 Comments to “We are respected in our church and now our daughter is pregnant…..”

  1. When I read this, my first reaction was ‘she came home and told you’ However, whilst I can appreciate where you are coming from, I suspect that it may not have been easy for your daughter to come home (more so if she had no choice but to come home for whatever reason) but even harder for her probably knowing that the news she was bringing with her might well not be so disappointing for you. BUT …. she came home to you and told you … You are honored to be her parent and you are so lucky that she is safe …. The alternative – she could have chosen to find a back-street abortionist and then had to live with those consequences or she could have chosen to ‘disappear’ into London and for you to either never hear from her again or for you to live for years without knowing where she was or if she was even alive. She came HOME. It probably won’t be easy and the practicalities may not be simple. But you have the choice and that is a precious gift all on its own. I truely hope that you will choose to help her through this – whatever that takes – to support her through the pregnancy and be there with her if she choses to give the baby up for adoption (there are hundreds of couples ‘out there’ who would be forever thankful to be able to raise this baby as their own) or, if its a possibility, for you extend your family unit and help her raise this baby for as long as she needs you – with or without the support or your local community and church.

  2. I truly agree with Rod’s and Avril’s replies. Your daughter already has her own shame, guilt, fear and other feelings to deal with and this is the time for her to know she’s forgiven and loved. Grace is what she needs. If your church rejects you and/or your daughter, then are they really the kind of church you need to be a part of?
    She and the new baby are more likely to grow into healthy, achieving, loved adults if they receive love and grace from you. If you give it, she’s more likely, too, to become closer to God – which I would imagine is the greatest thing you desire for her.

  3. I always find it fascinating that, as Christians, we worry so much about what people within our church think of us. It doesn’t matter, God matters, people don’t. People don’t have the right to judge (Mat 7:1), but they do, that is their problem, & the consequences of their judgement are something they will have to deal with. As the previous comments have mentioned, the focus should be on your daughter, & God. We don’t go to church for people, we go for our relationship with God. Everybody in your church has made mistakes, so I would find it interesting that they would judge you, because your daughter made a mistake. I agree with Jenny, if they do judge you, you don’t need them, they would, in fact, be failing you, by not living up to their responsibilities as your family in Christ.

  4. And yes, in case you are wondering, I do have a daughter – although she’s 20, so slightly older than yours, she could easily find herself in the same position as your daughter. Mine is very involved in our local church, so people say “it won’t happen to you”, but I have never (honestly) taken that arrogant frame of mind – it can and does happen to the ‘good’ girls too – probably more often because they don’t realise the power of hormones and then find themselves unprepared. Her falling pregnant does not mean that you have failed as a parent – we cannot make ourselves responsible for every decision our children make – they too were born with the freedom of choice! How alone and used your daughter must have felt when the young man decided not to show any more interest in her. Isn’t he ‘lucky’ that he can just walk away and no-one in his future need ever know what he did! That thought alone, were I in your or your daughter’s shoes, could be enough to make me a very bitter and angry person and what a waste that would be – you, and your daughter deserve more from life than that. With love and mutual support, the hurts will heal and you will all have the chance of a joyful future – I do wish for you strength and peace

  5. I am confused when becoming pregnant became falling pregnant. I haven’t heard that term until I started reading the comments in this blog. The word makes me think of a victim like falling ill. I was struck with that thought again as I read Anonymous’ comments.

    To the topic, I am sorry for the difficult times for you ahead. I am thrilled that you family has been blessed with a baby on the way. I hope that your fears of embarrassment are unwarranted and that the community sees this amazing gift. God has not chosen to bless us with children either genetically or adopted yet, I am amazed at how God works, sometimes it seems arbitrary and yet I am learning so much, I am sure that you and your daughter will learn as much and more with this baby who was unlooked for and yet given. Congratulations!!

  6. I applaud the wisdom of your response Rod!
    May this little ‘gift from GOD’ be much loved and baby’s mother be greatly supported by her family and the community.

    Blessings
    Lesley

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