Will our conflicts as husband and wife scar our children for life?

by Rod Smith

Attraction is only enduringly poss

Live fully now, while you can.

“My husband and I have had a highly conflicted relationship. We are now divorced. My concern is that all the fighting has forever scarred my children (14 and 15). Is there anything I can do to make up for the past that was unsettling for our children?” (Condensed)

Family trauma leaves unique hand prints. Some people appear to rise above the past and refuse to engage in the errors of their parents. Others perpetuate conflict for generations.

I believe an important component you can now offer is an honest, on-going conversation with your children with these interlaced themes:

1. I regret things were as they were.
2. I acknowledge you did not contribute to our conflicts in any manner (adults are responsible for adult conflict).
3. Our conflicts need not be part of your future.
4. Your future does not have to be marred by your difficult past.

The greater lesson you will be able to impart will come from your living fully. When you take up the fullness of your daily life you will teach your children that a healthy life can emerge from the pain of a difficult past.

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