I am a married woman having an affair with a married man

by Rod Smith

Reader responses requested. Please keep it to 200 words…..

“I am a married woman having an affair with a married man. He has never said he will leave his marriage. I have not said I’d leave mine. I am constantly worried at the risks he takes. I know he loves his wife and family and I know it would absolutely destroy him to lose them. We do not talk about our partners. I feel talking about your other is more a breach of trust than having sex. Do I love him? Yes, insanely. Does it hurt me that I have to hide this, and make me feel that each of us are lessened and cheapened by what we do? Yes, also. So I will break it off. I can’t live with the guilt and fear anymore. It’s not the physical aspect; it’s the friendship and intimacy. Do I feel bad about his wife? Am I eaten up with guilt over my husband? Yes. I also feel that love comes knocking in the strangest ways. We all make mistakes. We are looking for something and the pain of forbidden love helps us become better people to those we love then it has been worth it. I trust my married man simply because he never lied to me or led me on.”

8 Comments to “I am a married woman having an affair with a married man”

  1. Are you asking for advice or validation? Sounds like you know what to do.

  2. You have rationalized it all very well, congratulations!

  3. It is good that you are ending the affair. I hope you continue to have the strength and courage to be “become better person to those you love” by disclosing all to your husband and taking responsibility for your mistake. Be that person who doesn’t lie and lead on. I don’t know if you are already planning to so, I hope you are. I really think that being that kind of person fills the void better than any “forbidden love” ever could. Will it be very hard? Yes. Stand strong and start the hard but more rewarding path.

    Blessings to you.

  4. my wife did that to me…you are killing your husband if he finds out…let this other man go and start being greatful for what you have at home…if you have children even more important that you go home and stay there…otherwise you’re only being selfish and thinking only of yourself…

  5. Been there. Its hard ot live with and harder to let go.You do grow but you do hurt. You gain nothing by telling. That only brings your husband pain.You tell to unburden yourself but its your burden to bear. All this does make you stronger. I dont know if loving someone is ever a mistake.Life is a mystery.

  6. Forgiveness for the repentance of sin is within the capacity of God – not man! Disclosure now may damage your relationship with your husband beyond repair. Put the imposter out of your life now. You have been shown a gift of intimacy and now it is within your power and responsibility to share it (not the ghosts) with your husband. Rekindle or create what you need with him.

  7. Don’t you think telling your husband is cause for unnecessary anguish for him and another selfish act on your part because you are not going to feel any less guilty? Trust you feel some semblance of remorse to rather show your husband the attention & intimacy you so generously give your “lover”

  8. What a load of nonsense! Where is the responsibility for your actions. For me actions speak louder than words and having the affair is an action with very little responsibility taken for what you are doing. If the friendship and intimacy is so amazing why does it have to be illicit. Me thinks you are enjoying the excitement and don’t even know what friendship is all about. Affairs don’t just happen, they are actively pursued. Grow up!

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