There is something to the perpetrator / victim relationship….

by Rod Smith

“For thirty six years of marriage I endured a wide range of control issues. On looking back I find that there is something to the victim / perpetrator relationships. I don’t think people ask to be abused or controlled by others, but there are personalities that have the traits that (seem to push) the buttons which encourage the roles in which we fill. I think those who have a greater network of family and friends are less likely to get involved in a relationship that reveal early on the red flags for control and abuse, which to me are really the same.” (Lifted from a longer letter)

While, of course, I too would not blame a victim of control and abuse for initiating these destructive behaviors, it does take two to tangle (I did not mean “tango”). Some cooperation is necessary for the behavior to continue and to grow. Your observation is excellent. Living in a strong, healthy community (family, circle of friends) means and offers protection.

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