Getting back in touch with my angry son…

by Rod Smith

How do I get back into a cordial relationship with an adult son who has cut off from me because HE is abusive and angry. When we have had time it blows up in my face and he calls me the worst terms I have ever heard. He is single and lives alone. I am remarried after the death of my first wife, the mother of my only son.”

Call him. Arrange to meet for limited time periods (15 to 30 minutes) at a well-patronized restaurant. Tell him when you are making the arrangements, that you are missing him, and would like to see him but are unwilling to be subject to his negative behavior. Tell him why you are choosing a public venue. If he refuses to meet, you will know he is not yet ready to meet you face-to-face and abide with your terms. Give it a month or two and repeat the offer. As tough as it is not to see you son, while you allow yourself to be his victim, your relationship will not shift and improve for either of you.

2 Comments to “Getting back in touch with my angry son…”

  1. Never stop letting him know how much you love him! Pray for him and for healing of your relationship. There is nothing more powerful than the power of prayer.

  2. My 21 yr old son is oppositional-defiant and when he sees me is instantly disrespectful. I have told him I loved him, sent cards, give gifts and he is still disrepectful. I have asked him to let’s talk and he refuses. Part of the problem is that he lives with my mom and she undermines me and is an enabler of others in the family. She is always undermining and disrespecting me and I asked her to stop and she refuses. My son is mainly angry due to me losing custody due to depression and the courts took him away. He grew up in a foster home. I fought 12 years to get him back, to no avail. He will not talk about it and I do not know how to make amends other than what I am doing. We both were hurt by the court system. I apologized but this was out of my control.

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