Questions re: What to ask a counselor or sex therapist…. and a digression about sex and Christians…

by Rod Smith

Reader asks: There’s a counselor who works out of my wife’s church counseling center who is a Christian sex therapist. If I decide to consult with him, what sort of questions should I ask him in an initial contact? What might I expect from a competent counselor in an initial visit?

Rod responds: I’d be more concerned about what the counselor asks you than I am about what you are planning to ask him.

Is he (the counselor) focused on CHALLENGE and GROWTH primarily of the individual and then of the couple – or is trapped in the idea of trying to be so empathic that it will take weeks or even months before you and your wife can really get to talk?

Has he studied David Schnarch? Avoid him if he has not.

Is he himself FREE, or is he anxious, and highly-strung?

What does his theology tell him about who women are? Are women COMPLETELY equal with men and if not, I’d avoid him. Fully mature sex is impossible with (perceived) un-equals. If a man perceives himself as above a woman or “in charge” of his wife his very mindset it robbing him of the very joy and sexual fulfillment he is seeking.

One Comment to “Questions re: What to ask a counselor or sex therapist…. and a digression about sex and Christians…”

  1. About 11 years ago, my husband had a three-year affair with his secretary. It’s now over, as far as i know. Since his indiscretions, our sex life is poor. How do we get the excitement back? We’ve been together over 30 years. He doesn’t seem to be too interested in me or sex at all. What am i doing wrong or, does he just not find me attractive anymore? Please help me. I am about to find love elsewhere.

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