I want to get to the bottom of how she feels…

by Rod Smith

“My wife spends a lot of time at home because of family commitments and I understand that she needs to circulate with other people. When she does go out she seems to go over the top and stays out late. She doesn’t want to talk to, stating that she knows everything about me. When she spends a lot of time with other men, I tend to get jealous. I have been married before and I am scared that my wife will leave me for another man which is what happened in my previous marriage. She says she loves me but I don’t know whether of not to believe her. I am really fighting with my self internally to give her the space she requires and to not stifle her. Is there some things I might read, or things I should do to try and releive my fear, or try and get to the bottom of how she feels.”

Getting to the bottom of how you feel is sufficiently difficult, let alone trying to get to the bottom of how she feels. Leave her feelings alone. Read David Schnarch’s Passionate Marriage. The book will help you see where you end and she begins – that is what is at the core of your troubles.

2 Comments to “I want to get to the bottom of how she feels…”

  1. Thanks for the book recommendation. I will add this to my reading list.
    In a mature relationship, there is something to always talk about. I don’t buy the thought that she knows all there is to know about you.

  2. I’m sorry to hear that… I truly believe that trust is very high on the totem pole for relationships, no matter what kind of relationship it is…. so yes you DO need to trust her, despite YOUR past… however, in my mind, if she had any respect for you or your relationship, she wouldn’t be out hanging out with other men… especially if you do not know them…. she is definetly entitled to her nights out, but in my relationship, I ALWAYS think of how that would make my boyfriend feel and if it was something I wouldn’t mind him to do, if I come up with it may hurt him, bother him or I wouldn’t like it if he did that, I won’t do it… I am committed to my home and my children, but I still always think of his feelings, especially when it a ‘night out’ … too bad he didn’t do the same for me… Explain to your wife that you have this part of your past that is YOUR problem, not hers and that you are working on it… show her your feelings…but you do have to trust her… if she is going out and hanging out with other men, then that is what she does… in my mind if she knew that bothered you and still didn’t stop, I too would question the love and respect. I know it would mean the world to me if my boyfriend would show his feelings… he’s a clam….

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