Give each other several days of notice before you sit down and answer these questions about your relationship.

Make brief notes before you talk. Agree to be completely silent while listening to each person respond to each question.

“Volatile” couples might choose to talk in a crowded restaurant where they are less likely to erupt!

Do not skip questions. Of course, couples without children will ignore the final question:

1. What have you been trying to tell me that I have not been hearing?

2. What am I already doing that you would you like me to do a lot more?

3. What am I doing that you would you like me to do a lot less (or never)?

4. What is important to you, that you might resist telling me, to avoid hurting my feelings? (What have I “trained” you not to talk about?)

5. What can I do to help you use more of your talents and be more fulfilled in life?

6. Is our intimate life (our sex life) all you want it to be?

7. What can I do to improve the quality of our intimate life?

8. In what ways do you think we might hold each other back (keep each other “down”)?

9. How can I be more responsible to you (not responsible “for” you) and responsive to you?

10. How do you think I could be a better parent?