“My wife and I are really struggling with a miscarriage we had just over four months ago. This has broken our hearts. We were very excited and had prepared everything for our baby. What breaks our hearts even more are the horrible things people say, even close family, like ‘it wasn’t meant to be’ and ‘God is in control’ and ‘the baby went back to heaven’ and ‘you will get pregnant again.’ I think I am a little better at responding to these stupid comments (which are meant to be showing comfort) than my wife is. She doesn’t want to be out in public or even with family and friends because she is so tired of the ridiculous things people say. What do you think?”

Your letter is sufficient to inform family and friends what not to say to a grieving couple. I hope your letter will be read and result in insensitive men and women becoming more aware of the intense grief you and couples like you have had to endure.

Your parent head and your parent heart will never forget the child with whom you bonded for a brief time. You will love the child forever and part of you will grieve forever.

Hope awaits you both. The loss will ultimately transform you if you will allow. 

Regularly relating to high-functioning people (intimate or casual):

• Will give you the lasting impression that life is an exciting adventure, filled with wonderful, endless possibilities.

• Will give you the impression that questions are more important than answers and that ambiguity is an ally and not a foe.

• Will leave you feeling empowered and encouraged and that if you apply yourself you can do about anything you can dream of doing and go anywhere on the planet that you’d like.

• Will leave you with the desire to read and discover more about areas of interest you did not even perhaps know you have.

• Will inspire you to become engaged in your own life at least as deeply as they are engaged in theirs.

• Will engage you in skillful humor that has no victims.

How do you face Mondays? I hope you know you have a choice in the matter. It is up to you if it’s going to be a blue Monday or a beautiful Monday.

It’ll be blue if you see the people around you as a hindrance or as obstacles to your happiness. They are not. It’ll be blue if you see your work as a hardship to endure. It’s probably not. It’ll be a really blue Monday if you carry a load of resentments and grudges and anger from last week or from years ago into the week. It’ll be a blue Monday full of harsh surprises if you feel the world owes you something. It doesn’t.

Your Monday and your week and, if fact your entire life, will be beautiful if you treasure the people around you and regard them as your greatest gifts. They are. If you regard your work as your art you will be transformed by your career. If you enter the week free of resentments and full of forgiveness and ready for reconciliation, not only will you have a great week, you will inspire others to live similarly. Give the world your best, every day of the week and it will return the favor even though it owes you nothing.

Quick fixes to life’s problems annoy me.

The Art of Living Well is a process. It’s a life-long process. It’s a journey of joy and some sadness and many struggles.

Its challenges pivot on being willing to embrace and understand the unavoidable juxtaposition of the Beauty and the Brutality of life simultaneously occurring for most people.

And yet, there are some simple (not easy) things that we can all do that will immediately enhance the journey, make it even more meaningful, more beautiful and rewarding, despite the inevitable dilemmas that are served up most days.

· Take full responsibility for yourself – blame no one for anything at all, find your role in whatever you face – and your journey will be enhanced.

· Choose generosity at every possibility – and your joy will increase.

· Define yourself and refuse to define others (even those whom you truly love) and the respect you gain will be an immediate reward.

· Forgive everyone everything without exception – I never said it would be easy – and you will feel freedom come pouring into your life.

• Surrender control, let the natural process of living have its way – and see that much in life can be really trusted.

“My wife is constantly on her phone – not talking, but texting and checking for “likes” and seeing what her friends are up to. She takes it everywhere with her and is always distracted. She sleeps with it under her pillow. It’s getting really ridiculous. She’s more worried about how and where she will charge her phone than if we have basic necessities in the house. I am not kidding. I cannot have a conversation with her where she doesn’t have one eye on the phone and can even be texting while I am talking to her. She says women can multitask and that I am just being over sensitive. I am not. If I want to see something she’s doing on her phone she holds it so I can see – I am not allowed to hold her phone. I hate to think she is hiding something from me but I can’t help wondering. Is it ok for me to establish some ground rules for us as a couple? When I think about that I feel like I am treating her like a teenager. I would rather it come from her that it be insisted on by me. Please help.” (Edited)

This is not about phones. Seek face-to-face help for yourself first, and then for the two of you as a couple.

Do you want to move from any semblance of being a doormat to greater fullness as a respected person?

• Learn to say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no and try to not let them get mixed up.

• Know that it is acceptable and even essential to know how to say “no” to even the people we are closest to even if they are not accustomed to hearing it.

• Learn that you are in charge of yourself and in charge of your own calendar and daily activities even if you are someone’s wife or husband.

• Know that you were not destined to be a victim for any reason and that victim thinking will keep you in victim mode.

• Learn to identify the moments of success and courage you have already enjoyed and place yourself in similar circumstances so you can get lots of practice at what you are good at.

• Know that you can cope when others are unhappy with you and are displeased with your newfound attempts to advocate for yourself.

• Learn how to increase your ability to allow those whom you love to experience the worthwhile pain that comes with growth, your growth.

Rearing two boys has given me a hyper-focus on my own behavior. It’s made me think a lot about what they are learning from me as we accompany each other through life.

Character, and what it means and stands for, is something I try to teach my sons – and, of course, mine is therefore tested day in and day out. I am willing to bet that that is your experience too.

Here are a few observations.

Things that reveal character, or the lack of it:

• How people respond when coming into unexpected wealth or poverty.

• How people respond to those who can offer them nothing.

• How people handle their anger, disappointments, and losses.

• How people handle gossip and whether they pass it on or stop it in its tracks.

• How people handle stress.

• How people talk about and handle people who are “different” for whatever reason – race, gender, sexual identity, academic differences, or matters of national origin or language.

• What people consider good humor and where they draw the line with what they consider targets of their humor.

• How people respond to the poor and the needy.