“My son (27) has moved in with a woman (35) whom he hardly knows. She has two young children who he is now supporting and he expects me to treat them as if they are my grandchildren. I don’t really want anything to do with the woman or her children but I don’t want to be out of sorts with my son. He has a habit of being in and out of relationships but this is the first one that involves children. Please help.” (Letter edited)

As difficult as it might be for you, I’d suggest you offer the mother and her children as gracious a welcome as has your son appears to have offered. There is nothing to gain from giving the woman and her children your cold shoulder even if the relationship proves to be short lived. This is an opportunity for you to create wonderful experiences, and therefore wonderful memories, for two small children and I’d suggest you seize it with all your heart.

Six voices from six different families…

“My wife is my closest friend. She knows me better than anyone has ever known me. She doesn’t reject me even when she finds out things about me I thought I could hide.”

“I like it when my wife is playful. Childlike. Funny. I like it when things are not always serious and when not everything is about money or the children.”

“My dad is like a big kid. He likes to set up booby traps for my mom and splash her with water and when we all join in we make a mess and it’s lots of fun.”

“My mother likes me. It’s like we are friends as well as being mom and daughter.”

“My husband is like a rock. You can trust everything he says. I have never known him to tell even the smallest lie to me except when it comes to birthdays and surprises!”

“My husband took on my three children and me, and you’d think it was never any different for us all. It’s been tough sometimes but never because of him. The tough times were always because I wasn’t used to trusting anyone.”

“My son, because of his wife and her wishes, is closer to his in-laws than he is to me. This is very painful for me and I find myself being jealous when I hear how much time he spends with her family. I am 72 and feel like I am too old for this kind of petty jealousy. I think I have been a good mother and I really do not want to see him or his family too much. I would just like to be more included in his life. Please help.” (Edited)

Your jealous stirrings, and your discomfort with them, are completely understandable. I hope your son and his wife will read your poignant plea, and respond appropriately. If you have not told your son and daughter-in-law of your wants as clearly as you have communicated them to me, I’d suggest you do so as soon as possible.

Thank you for your faithful readership in newspapers and anywhere you might access this column. Readers frequently ask personal questions about what I am doing. I think Fridays are good days for such divulgences!

This past two weeks I’ve driven across the USA. We – two adults, two children (aged 10 and 6), packed everything we need (and more!) and set off in our Ford truck on the 7000-kilometer (4400 mile) return journey. I plan to get us home mid-August, a week before the children will return to school.

Over the ten days we have camped, we’ve slept in a side-less, door–less shelter at an outward-bound facility, and spent three nights in a luxury guest house overlooking Scottsdale and Phoenix, Arizona. Now, while in Los Angeles, we are guest of a community training college students to serve the world’s poor.

On Friday we’ll fly to Hawaii where I will rest for a week before I speak for a week to an audience of 50 Korean adults about the ins-and-outs of family therapy. Then we’ll fly to the “mainland” and begin our long drive from LA, via San Francisco, back to our home in the Midwest.

At every stop along the way I scurry for Internet access that I may catch up with readers and ensure I meet my Mercury and other submission deadlines.

Rod Smith is a Family Therapist, contact him (even while “one the road”) at Rod@DiffiulctRelationships.com or visit http://www.DifficultRelationships.com

…. if I am a little behind with posts this next few weeks, please be patient. My family and I are taking an adventurous road trip. We are going to drive from our mid west home to Los Angeles, fly to Hawaii (where I am speaking for a week), fly back to LA, go on up to San Francisco and drive home the “top” way! We will be gone for about 5 weeks, camping all the way but for our time in Kona.

I will continue to write and submit the column daily to the newspapers but might not be able to upload to the web on a daily basis….. who knows?

Thanks for your continued readership.

Rod