Dear Roomful Teenage Girls and Young Adult Women:

There’s much I’d like to say. I know people hear and learn according to readiness for both. Sometimes learning requires pain, even desperation. It always requires humility. It won’t surprise me if you think I have nothing to teach you. Either way, here goes:

You don’t NEED a man. If you WANT one, and don’t NEED one, you will be amazed at the different quality of men you will meet. Desperation emits messages unhealthy men find very attractive.

This doesn’t, of course, mean that I think you should not date or pursue marriage. I want you to know you are ENOUGH already, you don’t need a man to help you be something that you cannot already be on your own. Reject the term “other half” or “better half” – it’s nonsense. You are not a “half” waiting for some man to be made whole!

When the time is right, seek a MUTUAL and EQUAL and RESPECTFUL relationship. It will challenge, sharpen, and, yes, “improve” you. It’s got to be all three from the outset. You can’t easily import them into a relationship once it has started.

Don’t chase anyone for anything. Chase only a fine education.