A boundary is a line (usually invisible – prison would be an example of a visible boundary) that separates a person from all other people.
Each person is responsible for his or her own boundaries.
Here are indications of poorly defined boundaries:
- Sharing intimately on a first meeting.
- Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.
- Being preoccupied with someone.
- Going against what you know is right to please someone.
- Hoping someone you meet will have poor boundaries.
- Trusting blindly with matters of significance.
- Accepting food, gifts, touch, or sex you do not want.
- Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting.
- Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving.
- Letting someone be in charge of your life.
- Allowing someone else to say what you feel and see.
- Believing someone can and should anticipate your needs.
- Being moody and withdrawn because you are not getting enough attention.
- Expecting people to read your mind and know what you want or need.
- Habitually stealing the agenda, taking center stage, occupying the spotlight.
- Falling apart to get care.
- Eating for destructive reasons or with destructive results.
- Sex for pain or to express aggression.
Cloud and Townsend book “Boundaries” is essential reading on this topic.
The above list is collated from a variety of sources and over so many years and from so many places. I’d love to acknowledge all the sources and would if I had them.
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