by Rod Smith

A boundary is a line (usually invisible – prison would be an example of a visible boundary) that separates a person from all other people.

Each person is responsible for his or her own boundaries.

Here are indications of poorly defined boundaries:

  • Sharing intimately on a first meeting.
  • Falling in love with anyone who reaches out.
  • Being preoccupied with someone.
  • Going against what you know is right to please someone.
  • Hoping someone you meet will have poor boundaries.
  • Trusting blindly with matters of significance.
  • Accepting food, gifts, touch, or sex you do not want.
  • Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting.
  • Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving.
  • Letting someone be in charge of your life.
  • Allowing someone else to say what you feel and see.
  • Believing someone can and should anticipate your needs.
  • Being moody and withdrawn because you are not getting enough attention.
  • Expecting people to read your mind and know what you want or need.
  • Habitually stealing the agenda, taking center stage, occupying the spotlight.
  • Falling apart to get care.
  • Eating for destructive reasons or with destructive results.
  • Sex for pain or to express aggression.

Cloud and Townsend book “Boundaries” is essential reading on this topic.

The above list is collated from a variety of sources and over so many years and from so many places. I’d love to acknowledge all the sources and would if I had them.

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