by Rod Smith

The Mercury – Thursday / Shocked, sad, scared

When who I am in print, in a pulpit, or in a public setting, differs from who I am in person, three things happen inside me. I get shocked, sad, then scared – in that order.It’s shocking that it can take a while for me to detect my own hypocrisy. It’s rather comforting to think and believe and behave as something I am not. The illusion can be comforting, even fun – at least temporarily. 

I get sad for many reasons. At its core is the fact that my children see and feel my deceit firsthand. They see me “covering” – they hear me singing a different song and I can tell they know it. Also, I’ve spent lot of my life making repair and I don’t want to have to do that forever. 

The part that scares me is that it is so easy, at least on the surface, to live a duplicitous life. It’s so seductive. It’s so “empowering.”  

The widely known speaker Gerald Coates (Google him) said something once that hit my core. It’s a long time ago and so I will paraphrase him. He said to beware of people who are charming, good, accomplished in a pulpit but who are jerks – he did not use that word but it’s what he meant – face-to-face.

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