Archive for October 24th, 2010

October 24, 2010

He’s not himself since he met her…..

by Rod Smith

“My brother’s new girlfriend is very possessive. He is a different man, for the worse, since they met. We seldom see him. He has to make excuses and lie so he can drop in and see us. Even then he’s constantly on the phone to her while he’s away from her. What responsibilities do I have to let him know what we see or do we just let him go further into this mess? She says he ignores her when he is with us. Please help.”

It is counter-intuitive, I know......

Say it kindly, then let him alone

That your brother is unable to enjoy his family AND have a girlfriend suggests this relationship doesn’t hold much promise. Steal him for a meeting, then stand back and allow him to “go further into this mess.” Both are possible and necessary.

Drop the “we” and “us”. Speak only for yourself. Don’t “corner” him. Simply tell him what you see. Then, leave it up to him.

If you are calm and non-possessive in your approach and during you stolen moments with your brother, it is likely that he will be able to relax and tell you if he is finding the relationship stressful. If you are anxious and demanding (like another woman he knows) it is likely his pushback will push him deeper into her corner.