“My son (9) gets minimally bullied and pushed around by his classmates at school. The school seems to do very little about this and it is resulting in my son not enjoying school. I said ‘minimally’ because it is not every day and it seems trivial when he explains it, yet it does upset him. What would you do?” (Edited)

Work with your son by giving him suitable lines and phrases that assist him to speak up for himself. Role-play situations with him and train him to speak up. He will find adulthood a lot more satisfying if he can learn to address bullying now, rather than have to address it when he is a full-grown man.

I’d resist trying to make the school the guardians of his appropriately fragile ego since it appears that your son is experiencing life within the bounds of what is “normal” or common behavior among children of this age. I am sorry life can be so tough even when a child is 9-years-old, but the sooner the boy gets to handle it for himself, the better he will feel about himself and the less likely it will be that other children will target him.

1. Arrogance – it’s only a matter of time before you’ll discover you are not quite as good as you think you are.
2. Domination – makes an enemy out of those who were once in your corner.
3. Manipulation – puts people on edge and they will eventually stop trusting you.
4. Intimidation – no rational person wants to be forced into anything.
5. Jealousy – trying to hurt or endanger others or their relationships because of your felt inadequacies will make you an exile among your friends.
6. Gossip – if you spread rumors it will only be a matter of time before you will start feeling shades of paranoia.
7. Unfaithfulness – will ruin your sleeping patterns and make you suspicious of everyone.
8. Resentment and retaliation – gathering hurts, collecting damages, and waiting for the opportunity to get even or revenge will suck you dry of creative energy.
9. Rescuing others – trying to save others from the natural challenge and pain that comes with living will exhaust you beyond your wildest estimation.
10. Passivity – lounging around waiting for life to change, for your ship to come in, as if a fairy godmother is waiting in the wings to deliver you from all your woes, will drive you and all who love you to distraction.

1. Generosity – giving more than you can afford.
2. Faith – in God and in the humanity of others.
3. Forgiveness – absolute, and especially when undeserved.
4. Transparency – living without deceit or hidden agenda.
5. Openness – willingness to try new things and new adventures.
6. Awareness – of the impact left on others and on the environment.
7. Kindness – treating others in a manner that fosters their highest good.
8. Assertiveness – finding your way without impeding the growth of others.
9. Usefulness – finding a meaningful place in a community.
10. Love – deciding to love without expecting recognition or reward.

My childhood memories are enriched with Kingsmead, with Durban City and the lesser forces of Durban United and Addington Football Club. I easily recall the sights and the sounds and the excitement I knew when Durban City took to the field on Wednesday nights and I watched Bobby Chalmers, John Rugg, and Alan Varner shoot warm-up shots at the lithe and invincible George Wooten.

And, in the unusual event Durban United’s Ronnie Mann dribbled past both full backs, drew Wooten out of his goal, and sent the ball plummeting into the back of the net, the pain I felt, even this many years later, I recall as if it occurred only yesterday!

Yes, Mr. Mann, despite my stubborn allegiance to Durban City, I too climbed the fence and ran across the field for your autograph at the end of a game, even though at the time of my urgent involvement, you fielded in enemy colours. Even then, I concede, I was able to see what a superb soccer player you were – and now – in your passing and your new-found eternal rest, may you take with you the knowledge that you were a hero to many a young boy who cheered on the sidelines at Kingsmead and at other soccer stadiums all over South Africa, even if you did spend a lot of time wearing the “wrong” colors!