Fair fighting

by Rod Smith

Take up your life....

Take up your life....

People who love each other fight with three goals in mind:

1. To be able to love each other more.
2. To be able to better understand each other.
3. To be able to resolve conflicts or accept conflicts that cannot be resolved.

Here are eight guidelines to foster healthy conflict:

a. Stay with the presenting issue – under stress people tend to go off on hurtful, unrelated tangents.
b. Don’t recruit the “Big Guns” like your in-laws, your parents, The Bible, or God to back up your point of view. (“My dad says…”)
c. Avoid sentiments like “now I understand why your ex left you” or “now I know why your children don’t like you.”
d. Resist retrieving past issues to embolden your position.
e. Don’t sneer, sigh, or roll your eyes, or give the “I’ve-heard-this-all-before” look.
f. Don’t call upon anonymous sources like “they” saw you or “someone” told me.
g. Listen more than you talk – this will help you remain engaged and validate your commitment.
h. Don’t compromise your voice – your relationship needs you to be more who you, not less who you are.

The military fight to kill and destroy. Lovers and family members fight to increase love and understanding.

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