“I am at a complete loss to understand people’s motivation for intentionally hurting others. I had been dating a most gentle, kind, generous, considerate, available, loving person for 4 years. We did have a few off-days but those were few and far between. Then out of the blue he declared he did not see me in his future. No signs, no warning but sudden withdrawal and the dreaded words. In an attempt to find an answer since none was offered I went through his phone memory and was devastated to find out that he was ‘playing’ about 20 other woman this past year. Some in long standing distance relationships, others in role playing, and others on an ‘as and when needed’ basis, ‘meet and greet,’ and travel partners. The break-up is recent. I haven’t spoken to him since his announcement. Prior to my discovery I told him respected his decision. What motivates this type of behavior?”

These indulgent patterns probably did not occur overnight. I’d suggest the perpetrator, while aware of the deceit, probably felt he could handle the accumulation of multiple facades and keep his various worlds apart. The “dreaded words” come when the entanglements escalate and something has to crash!

Posted on May 30, 2009 at 5:13 am in Affairs, Attraction, Betrayal, Boundaries, Communication, Difficult Relationships   |  RSS feed |   Reply   |   Trackback URL