Love and control

by Rod Smith

“I am dealing with a controlling man. He is four years younger than me and has yet to figure out his job situation. He is still confused about what he really wants to do in life. I’m assuming his controlling ways have roots in these circumstances. I believe his dad is controlling. If a controlling guy eventually reaches a point in his life where he is professionally successful and feels more in control of his life, will he ever ease up on woman? When I put my foot down he changes his positions slightly so part of me thinks that he may be open to change.”

I am trying to hear you...

I am trying to hear you...

Love and control cannot exist in the same relationship. While it will be very hard work, if this relationship is to survive, you must stay out of all control all the time. It is never a sign of love or commitment and it is not good for either of you.

Always resist it and always point it out. Regard it – the behavior and not the man – as a dangerous virus. This means it has no brakes, and it has no boundaries and therefore it will not self-regulate!

Controlling men and women do so no matter what the circumstances – it is just a matter of degrees. I’d suggest “changes his positions slightly” is a move to keep you, not a symptom of growth. If you feed the virus, or ignore the virus, or give it a momentary bow, it will grow. In fact, it will grow anyway despite your behavior – this is the reason it must always be resisted.

Be careful of becoming so aware of his controlling behavior that you get the virus! But that is material for another column.

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