He’s found someone half my age and bought a house across the street!

by Rod Smith

“My husband (48) came in told me ‘I want to separate. I want sex with other women, to be free, be myself.’ I was devastated. We have been married for 20 years. He left and bought a house across the street. He met up with at woman (22) and says now he is ‘so in love.’ He’s taking her on our trips. I am devastated. She is fat. I was fat but he wanted me to change. She is literally the same size as me and after years of emotional abuse about my being fat and then says, ‘See it wasn’t ever about your weight. See how big she is.’ Talk about a slap in the face. She has already cheated on him. He would have killed me if I had done that. I am confused. I did everything for him and he leaves me for someone half my age. He is madly in love and wants to get married and start a family. We have two children together. I don’t even recognize him anymore.” (Edited)

I am trying to hear you...

I am trying to hear you...

Try and focus upon what you and your children need to bring meaningful futures out of this apparently narcissistic chaos. Would you believe me if I said you have no future worth having with him? I doubt you will believe me. It appears you are yet too caught up in him.

While you are so focused on his comings and goings, noticing what he is doing or not doing, you will be unable to find enough space for you to see that you have to begin to build an existence where he is not the center-piece. While his tasteless move to a house across the street doesn’t make this any easier for you, such emotional distance and space is essential. I’d suggest (although it is not stated) that his move into a home so near to you may well have been part of his continued attempt to keep some kind of an eye on you. This is not out side the realm of possibilities when it comes to persons who are so amazingly unaware or uncaring about the impact their moves and actions have on others. While they often appear indifferent to how their lives impact others, they remain steadfast in their belief that important others need to remain somewhat within their control.

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