Archive for December 10th, 2008

December 10, 2008

Twins, moving toward father, and away from stepfather…

by Rod Smith

“My twins (15) have always been close to my husband who is their step-dad. Now, recently, they seem to be going against him and wanting to be with their (biological) dad. Their father has been absent for almost all their lives and their step-dad has been a father to them. Why would they now want to be with someone who has done so little for them and almost reject someone who has done so much? What must I do? This doesn’t make sense at all.”

dsc_0642You are applying simple logic to very complex dynamics. Your children are apparently obeying the call of their invisible loyalties. I’d suggest (unless there are circumstances you have not divulged and he is in some manner dangerous) you get out of the way and provide a platform for them to better know their father.

Avoid being the go-between for the children and their stepfather. If your husband has come this far with the twins he can probably handle the shift in their loyalties. Ultimately I believe things will settle, and the children will know who he is and how much he has already loved them.