Twins, moving toward father, and away from stepfather…

by Rod Smith

“My twins (15) have always been close to my husband who is their step-dad. Now, recently, they seem to be going against him and wanting to be with their (biological) dad. Their father has been absent for almost all their lives and their step-dad has been a father to them. Why would they now want to be with someone who has done so little for them and almost reject someone who has done so much? What must I do? This doesn’t make sense at all.”

dsc_0642You are applying simple logic to very complex dynamics. Your children are apparently obeying the call of their invisible loyalties. I’d suggest (unless there are circumstances you have not divulged and he is in some manner dangerous) you get out of the way and provide a platform for them to better know their father.

Avoid being the go-between for the children and their stepfather. If your husband has come this far with the twins he can probably handle the shift in their loyalties. Ultimately I believe things will settle, and the children will know who he is and how much he has already loved them.

One Comment to “Twins, moving toward father, and away from stepfather…”

  1. I would like to say to the mother and stepfather I am sorry you are having to feel the pain of this right now. Just take comfort in knowing that it is only for right now. I myself personally went through such a transformation with my father and stepfather. The thing is though as I got older and started to have a better understanding of life and how people affect your life. I began to really see that my stepfather was actually my father. The love I felt for him grew once again and I am sure to tell him all the time now that on fathers day I think of him as the one to celebrate. When we are kids we are not fully aware of the things we should be grateful for, but thankfully most of us learn especially as we start to have kids what it means to be a true and loving parent.

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