“I read today’s column (Monday 5th: ‘Family misreads kindness for weakness’) and cheered for the woman who wrote it. Perhaps she should invest in a copy of ‘Boundaries’ by Cloud and Townsend. She has made the first step and said no, but people don’t always take no for an answer. They may use guilt and manipulation to challenge her stand. She will need to constantly remind and reassure herself that she has done, and is doing the right thing. I lent my copy of ‘Boundaries’ to my sister and she keeps it next to her bed. She consults it regularly to remind herself that when she says no, it is her right to do so.”
You are correct. Also, when a person has been unsure of his or her boundaries it is common to be filled with self-doubt once appropriate boundaries are established. Healthy boundaries can feel wrong, selfish, or unkind. Remember, there is some “positive” return for having poor boundaries making a person feel needed, wanted, or important and so, when this “positive“ return ceases (as boundaries are established) the one who newly asserts his or her boundaries can feel abandoned, unwanted, or unimportant, and then even desire to recant on what really is a very necessary and healthy stand. Health demands unrelenting courage and it will always be tested and challenged.
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