Reader: My mother-in-law is still depressed after her husband’s death almost two years ago. They were married for over 50 years. I understand she lost the most important person in her life. The problem is that she pulls my wife into her grief which dampens so much joy in our family. My mother-in-law lives with us and I thought her sadness would subside. What can I do to help my wife from being almost immobilized with her mother’s grief? (Reconstructed with permission)

Rod Responds: I’d suggest you read the book A Group I Never Wanted to Join, a most helpful study in loss and grief by a grief and recovery expert Marty McNunn.

Then, in the kindest manner possible, tell your wife what you perceive is occurring.

Certainly grief can seem to have taken a relentless hold over your mother-in-law, and your wife may well be grieving in tandem with her. Emerging from her own grief may feel uncaring to your wife, or she might covertly feel she is abandoning her mother if she does not remain present with her in her deep struggle.

Apart from grief taking its toll in both women, you are most certainly aware that each woman has her own individual grief work to complete, quite independently of each other.