I read your “Jack and Jill” column last week and was pleased to see that I am not alone. I found out that my husband of 14 years had been having an affair for months. He denied the affair and through pure digging he admitted it. When I bring the affair up he gets angry and tells me to get over it otherwise our marriage is never going to work. He says I have to control my emotions and I must believe him when he says it is over. He says I have to stop going through his personal slips, his cell phone bill and that he feels like he has no privacy. He has turned that situation around after begging me to please forgive him and promising to do anything to make our marriage work and believe in him again. (Letter edited)

It is not your lack of control but his that landed you both in this unfortunate place. It is his lies, not your discovery of them that eroded your capacity to trust. A regretful man would invite you to talk about it as much as you want and to “dig” anywhere you please. Don’t permit further abuse – it was not you who broke the marriage bond.